When I undertook optometric vision therapy at age forty-eight, I could see the misalign-and-suppress mechanism at work in my own visual system. With therapy procedures, I learned to bring the images from both eyes into consciousness and could therefore discover where my two eyes were aiming. Throughout life, an unconscious action had moved the image from one eye out of alignment, making it easier for me to discount the image from the nonfixating eye.
— Susan R. Barry, Fixing my Gaze
Yesterday I had my third session with Mary Ellen, the therapist selected to work with me on a program of weekly eye exercises. The disciplines are both challenging and tiring. Let me explain that. They are difficult because they necessitate a kind of exertion unlike physical or mental effort. Nevertheless, it does involve muscle and brain activity, which is tiring, but the kind of fatigue that results is unlike anything I’ve known—a dull pressure in the middle of my head. I don’t feel exhausted, but noticeably depleted in a way I can’t put my finger on. So far, any progress I’ve noticed has made me even more aware of the dysfunction. In other words, the double vision is more obvious at times because I’m training myself not to suppress the vision in one eye to accommodate the misalignment. Does that make sense? It’s frustrating and stressful to have my vision more chaotic, but I understand the need to strengthen my singular vision in each eye before I develop an improvement in its ability to “team.” This will require more fusion exercises that rely on 3D glasses. I also have to do daily patching for individual-eye isolation work. It’s probably best that I avoid “overthinking” all of it and concentrate on applying myself to the assignments. I don’t know what I’d feel if I didn’t have confidence in the benefits of the process.