My nephew Bruce has gotten out of surgery. When he was initially critically ill, I prayed to Our Lady of Guadalupe. Soon it will be her feast day. I will offer prayers of both petition and thanksgiving to Our Lady on her day.

I cast THE SECRET GARDEN today. Some were ecstatic; others had tears. “There are no small parts, only small actors” doesn’t cut it in middle school.

My nephew called me from Iraq!! It was awesome. I couldn’t believe I was talking to him. He wanted to tell me that he is reading ANGELS AND DEMONS and really liking it. I’m excited. He has never been big on reading, but he has always wanted to be. It’s just hard for him. He said he wanted me to be proud of him. I already was! I can’t wait until he gets home. Ian should email him and discuss that book.

I haven’t forgotten. I just can’t think of anything to say. I miss you.

Up at 4 a.m. to put the too heavy turkey in the oven, which is used about once a year so it smokes for a while and when we get up we have to open the doors to get the smoke out.

How many kinds of pie? Blueberry, lemon, pecan, pumpkin, Susan’s pumpkin, mincemeat.

How many kinds of stuffing? In the bird, out of the bird, vegetarian, oyster.

How many kinds of veggies? Green bean casserole, Italian green beans, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cheesy broccoli and cauliflower, baked apples, corn pudding.

What else? Whole wheat rolls, broken glass salad, banana salad, gravay all over everything, turkey carved by Jay, some kind of cake, many kinds of wine and non-wine, truffles from Frank, pinecone turkeys, cranberry jelly and cooked cranberries with apples.

What else? Prayer service with special petitions written by John, phone call from Caitlan, phone call from Bruce, Justin and Connor in all their magnificence, Brendan and Ian fall asleep first, Greg Brown keeps coming in, we miss Josh and Joey, explaining Dixonese tales to Frank and Michelle, Lea’s doily find, DISHES, DISHES, DISHES, football, George Washington, walk down Blue Bank Road, Pirate Game, Blackboard comic strip, and what have I forgotten?

All the love. All the love. All the love.

My children are philosophers. Not surprising since their father was such, and the little time that they spent with their philosopher-stepfather must have affected them as well. Brendan the railer(he who rails against the MAN), Ian the searcher (he keeps heading East), and Caitlan the seeker of justice (she wonders whether India and Ghana are her responsibility). Because this is Thanksgiving time, I got to spend time with two of them and talk to and read from the other. I am amazed at my children. I am as fascinated at their growth and development now as I was when they were 4, 3, and 1. They have left the nest, cut the apronstrings, flown the coop, and yet I feel an umbilical connection that is so real the blood pulses in it. Could I have asked for a greater gift from this life?

On Thanksgiving do we give thanks for it all? The heart-break and the heart-full, the belly laughs and the sobs, the moments of peace (seconds?) and the gut-wrenching doubt, the partial answers and the incessant questions? My guess is that we must or be hypocrites. That is why I am not yet redeemed–I balk at the acceptance of the nether side of the coin. My mom and I had this discussion. She is 80 and awesome and brilliant and as faith-filled a person as I have ever known, and when she tells me that she doesn’t understand but just accepts this kind of existence as how it must be for now, but still questions God about it, I feel comforted and confronted at the same time. And should I give thanks for that?

My brother says that from his perspective, anger is his life is useless, and he discards it as soon as he possibly can. His role now is to do good–be good–to others. His view of his world–why not be kind? He has suffered and yet he finds this answer? I think this is Christ.

It’s the night before Thanksgiving, and it used to be my anniversary. I drank a beer.

Last night I met Deb’s brothers, Howard and Tom. I’ve heard about them for so long, and it was fun to finally meet them. We had caramel cake with chocolate ice cream and walnut topping. It was yum! Deb and I had already had a few glasses of wine, but we topped the cake off with hot tea. The brothers didn’t stay very long, but long enough for us all to have a few good laughs. Today I had auditions for this year’s DRAMATIC DESSERTS (since DINNER THEATRE has been discontinued by the power mongers) which will be a musical version of THE SECRET GARDEN. It will be March 10th and 11th, so if any of you want to come, mark your calendar, because this will be the last show I do at St. Mark. I just love auditions because you seen all these sides of kids that you would never see otherwise–like the not-so-popular, slightly overweight little sixth grader who sang the sweetest most beautiful solo and then asked to sing it again when a second teacher came in, and the uncoordinated, out of tune seventh grader who had wanted a part so badly that he made up a jig to dance to distract us from the fact that he was out of tune, out of rhythm, and not right for the part and for whom the whole middle school stood up and cheered when he was finished when in most schools he would have been the butt of demeaning jokes, or the two eighth grade boys who instead of being embarrassed to sing and act, even they are “cool guys,” sang their hearts out and did a great scene, complete with British and Cockney accents. Today was about why I love teaching where I do. It was also about why I have to leave. This show is dear to my heart (Brendan, Ian, and Caitlan were all in it, and Ian played Brendan’s father). It want to do it right for my swan song. Then I went back to KR, watching another incredible sunset on the way, to find that Jim had finished grouting the downstairs shower, and it looks beautiful, as do the front windows that he is trimming out. The heat pump is supposed to be in next week. I grabbed a few things and headed for Clan Valley with my dog. There were a millions of stars out, and on the way, on the all Christmas song station, someone I didn’t know sang “Here Comes Santa Claus,” and I transported back to the “AUFREY-GOFFREY” 78’s and LuAnn Simms. She sang it so much better. How did I remember LuAnn Simms? Chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Julius LaRosa?

Yesterday was very important because my brother and sister-in-law hooked up one of my two woodstoves. The other will be hooked up as soon as I get one more piece of stove pipe. The stoves are both the kind that can be opened to see the flames so that if you want a fireplace and don’t have one, you can pretend. Bub also brought me lots of pieces of scrap oak for firewood and helped me take care of storing my mowers for the winter. When I was reading KK’s blog I remembered that I wanted to say that there is now an ALPACA farm on Bimbo’s trace (1295), and I think that that is very exciting. Today is Deb’s birthday, and so we shared pizza and wine and toasted our friendship which has been very special and helpful to me. The sunset tonight was one of those that you wish you could memorize, but it’s just God getting off on beauty, and you just have to enjoy the moment. I am very happy that tomorrow is my last day at school (muy triste, muy triste)this week so that I can go and be with my Clan and my boys. Thanksgiving, indeed!

It’s FALL! Like beautiful autumn, like crisp cold as a refrigerated apple air, like bright hurt your eyes but you don’t want to wear sunglasses sun, like leafcrunch. I was up early but then decided to read THE WEEK which I have been converted to as an “objective” news-zine, has some hazelnut decaf, and went outside with Greg Brown to try to start my riding mowers and put them away in the barn for the winter. The Kubota deisel started pretty easily, but it took a while for the Murray. Jay told me to run it until I hade used up all the gas, but it was still running when I had to leave for Beth’s for my groupie meeting, so I turned it off and will have to run it some more another time. It is good to have a clean place in the barn to put them. Grouped in Lancaster with two kinds of soup and chickpea/tuna salad. What great prayer groupies I have–I always feel better after being with them. Then Deb brought me into town so that I could take the truck back and have it at KR for firewood work tomorrow. I learning to be more at peace with my uncertain job situation–just turn it over, Joan. When at 4th Street decided to haul away some stuff to the farm and get it out of Alyx’s way. There is tile in my downstairs bathroom!!!!