Amelia:

“Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
if you can boun

Dear Amelia,

I was going to start this thing off with some crappy poetry quote, but let’s face it, you deserve better than that. You deserve better than anything you ever got from my stupid roommate

Amelia.

Here it is: I couldn’t stand it when you were always here with him, but it turns out it’s worse when you’re not. I miss you. Can I call?

Yours, Hecto

HI, HECTO

I AM JUST A TOILET, AND CANNOT RESPOND ANY LOVE LETTER.
THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTION,
TOILET