“We’re moving ahead with a sharper property tax curve, and doubling school funds with the proceeds,” says the Ombudswoman. “Also, Fridays everyone gets chocolate milk, and the puppy-lending library will…”

She trails off. Everyone at the council meeting glances to the back of the room. “Hsst,” says somebody.

“Oh!” says the Cantankerist. “Is this me?”

She nods encouragingly.

He shakes his fist three times. “This feckless generation will bring about its own ruin, and so forth,” he reads.

Council members hold up scorecards in the low 3s.

“That’s unfair!” shrills the Cantankerist.

The Russian Judge smirks, and strokes his beard.