How do you get to be a writer? Cheat. Lie, rape, steal and backstab.

There is nothing new in existence, which is justification enough. Consider the books you read fresh meat. Find the devices everybody seems to like and replicate them as exactly as laziness permits (remember, effort spent writing is effort largely wasted). Take fanfic to its logical conclusion: copy sentences or, if possible, paragraphs in bulk.

Sleep with anyone who can get you out of the slush pile. I mean anyone.

They’ll tell you there’s no money in writing, of course, but of course they would. Think about that.