“Whatsits,” says Costas, giddy on his fourth glass. “Exponents! Even if they only feed once a month, well, boom, thirty months and ‘smore than the population of the planet.”

“That’s your mathematical disproof of vampires?” asks Schreck.

“Good enough for Internets,” winks Costas.

“Those assumptions, though,” says Schreck. “Even in Stoker, it takes months to turn a victim.”

Costas shrugs. “Exponents,” he says. “Say it takes a year. A decade!” He doodles sums. “Everybody’s bloodsuckers by about… uh… last June.” The whole bar is staring. “And I’m not,” he adds uneasily.

“We’ve been waiting,” drools Schreck, “for someone to say that.”