The groomsmen are stripped to the waist and oiled, flexing and bulging where they line the entrance ramp. Suddenly, they turn and gesture with arms like taut cables. The pyrotechnics kick in.

Jonny Q stalks down in full regalia, stirring the crowd to new heights of frenzy. Opposite him, Regina is hauling herself to the top of the Wedding Cage.

“Do you?” yells Pastor Pain, when they’re both before him. “Do you? All right!”

“With this belt!” thunders Jonny Q, holding it high. “I! Thee! Wed!”

Then Regina pile-drives him down into the ring, and Reception Rumble 2K4 finally gets underway.