Across the country, flatscreens flicker on, and the populace hurries to abase themselves before the evening broadcast. It’s technically a Klingon ritual, but the ruling caste doesn’t mind. Once they stopped their internecine arguments about canon, they had free time to do things like conquer the world.

“Good evening,” smiles Herman, smug and pockmarked. “In tonight’s top stories, we’ll explain why females are inferior, then investigate why they won’t date their new overlords.”

“On the forecast, a promising drizzle will keep everyone indoors!” chortles EvangelionFan08.

“Turning to the stock market,” says Herman, “the NAZGÛL gained eleven points; the Drow, nine.”