ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! PURPLE HEART! chirps Leggatt’s headset, audible only in the open-mouthed silence as they stand around his writhing body in chagrin.

“I’m not sure this is the best way to get a full unlock,” says Cormac, clutching his rifle.

“Everybody does achievement parties!” says Leigh, bravefaced if a little gray. “How do you think those 27th guys stay on top of the leaderboards? If we didn’t help each other out it would take, like, years to get a MoH!”

“I’m starting to wish I’d spawned in Kunar,” says Cormac.

“Ggghhhhhh,” says Leggatt, one hand fumbling around for his eye.