The first outbreaks of buscemitis hit Miami hard; frantic dermatologists try to establish a link to sun damage, to Botox, to anything. None of it sticks. The only characteristic all the victims share is two X chromosomes.

There’s no cure. Experimental hepburnigrafting is only a topical treatment, and really no better than sunglasses. It spreads, leaping oceans, with cases in France, Estonia and Egypt (Buscemiless, they call it “Mubarak’s Legacy”).

The HBO gangster show gets pulled. Deep in his cups and the Trees Lounge replica in his basement, Buscemi watches the news with eyes like the soul of the world.