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Gautama

“Stop! Thief!” screams the jewelry store owner, staggering out into the street. She lunges toward the shirtless police detective lounging on a bike stand.

“He just stole our spring inventory,” she pants. “Quick! Aren’t you going to do something?”

“I will,” says Gautama firmly. “I’ll ensure that the Great Wheel of Being continues turning, so that when his mortal husk decays–unless he’s done great goodness to equal his crime–he’ll return to life as something terrible, like an ant, or a poor person!”

“That… that sounds a lot like fatalism,” says the owner sourly.

“Nope,” says Gautama, “it’s–“

BUDDHA JUSTICE

Liwash

Once the moon was an ocean; and the whale was there, and her name was Liwash. With her first breath she took in all its atmosphere, and the sea boiled away beneath her, and so she swam through the void tto the deepest places of Earth.

But she was not the first to arrive: there was Hufgafa, the beast whose arms fill the cracks at the center of the world. They battled, and when Liwash could tear one of Hufgafa’s arms away, magma escaped and formed these islands.

Why, yes, the same magma you see in the volcanoes.

They battle still.

Devon

Devon has a small deciduous forest on his scalp and shoulders.

“It’s called dendropecia,” he says honestly to anyone with the courage to ask. “It’s a rare condition, but it has its perks. After all, when I go bald I know it’ll all be back in the spring!” And they laugh together, because he’s given that permission.

Until, one day, his interlocutor doesn’t laugh with him. “But don’t you spend the day in heated rooms?” she asks.

“Well,” he says, “yes.”

“Then why make that joke?”

“I don’t know,” he says, trying not to stare at the raincloud above her head.

Waldorf

“But Margaret Thatcher isn’t dead,” says Statler.

“I know,” says Waldorf, “I said the late Margaret Thatcher.”

Statler blinks. “That’s… what that means.”

“No it doesn’t! It’s like… somebody you speak of with respect. You know, somebody who’s been around for a while, so they’ve earned it, later in life.” He smiles. “The late Jim Henson. The late Coretta Scott King.”

“Both dead,” says Statler gently.

Waldorf grabs the laptop and googles fiercely. “Here!” he says. “The late James Brown!”

“Last December, right before Gerald Ford–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” hisses Waldorf. “I will make you late as hell.”

Mneme

The cat of history, whose name is Mneme, is waiting for H. G. on his apartment stoop.

“Well hi, kitty,” he says. “You want something?”

“I can talk,” she explains.

“Oh.”

“We’re making a trade now,” she says gently. “Your destiny is no longer your own: you have a part to play and all your lines are written. In exchange, your life will be a thread in the knot of human knowledge.”

“I refuse.”

“I’m afraid refusal is impossible.”

He laughs. “Prove it.”

“First,” she says, “you’re going to tell me what H. G. stands for.”

“Hyacinth Grace,” he mutters, scowling.

The Boy

“Just like the fish,” whispers the boy, crackling over the golden wire between the hyporvrychio above his father’s wheezing. Fins are so much work! Perhaps in the next design a pump, or a finned wheel–

The wire’s taut. “Careful,” he warns into the speaking-tube. “Even fish go only so deep.”

“They go wherever they wish!” So fast, laughing, young legs finally free of their cell. “They swim deeper than any net!”

“No!” He pants. “The plating won’t hold, child–”

Pinging on the line; gushing; a cry silenced as the wire finally snaps. The copper fish vanishes into the hungry dark.

Grumpy Tim Coe

Grumpy Tim Coe takes his brain out and dips it in ink, then stamps it on a piece of paper. He takes the paper to an art gallery.

“I can’t sell this,” says the owner. “Put it back in the student show.”

“Fails to demonstrate principles,” says the art professor. “The coffee shop might like it.”

“Too avant-garde for us,” says the barista. “Have you tried the gallery?”

Grumpy Tim Coe slashes the paper with scissors. Then he gets drunk for six years and dies.

“This is brilliant!” gasps the gallery owner, when they find it.

“Overrated,” the barista says.

Lon

Lon’s editor is a small black bulldog with a thick tail where its hind legs should be.

“Gimme that one,” it snaps, and jerks its head at a word on the page. “And that one. Next paragraph, too.”

Lon obliges, and it gnashes them greedily down. He reads it again: it really is better.

“Whole page,” the editor belches. “An’ another. A chapter. More!”

The story’s as good as it’s ever been, but Lon’s out of paper. The editor fills the room.

“You know what’s next,” it growls, looking down, eyes beady.

Lon nods with relief, and holds out his hands.

Thisbe

Thisbe crosses her fingers and the world goes time-lapse, so they flicker through the driving and stop at every red light. At the red lights they kiss. Kissing at red lights never ceases to startle the heart, even when you do so forty-three times on the way home.

Pyr doesn’t want to be home yet, though, so he slaps down a narration box and they’re at the park the next day: sunlight, and water, and the long weekend still ahead. They whisper pale pink words and lie back on the grass, grinning, to watch the speech balloons float away.

Cwm Cawlwyd

The Owl of Cwm Cawlwyd is the fourth-oldest living thing in the world, which is obvious from his shoes. They’re whatever color gray becomes after brown turns into gray, when that brown was once polished black. They personally ground out the grooves on his apartment steps.

The Owl lets crackers fall from a sleeve as he climbs. He’s courting mice. He doesn’t eat them, not anymore; he just likes to stand at his doorstep, at the very top of the switchback staircase, and watch. Age has taken his beak, his shoes, and his silent feathers, but never yet his sight.

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