“Oh, we’d do anything to stay out of detention,” says Sasha, batting her heavy eyes, and slowly pushes a perfect round pink bubble of gum through her pursed and glossy lips.

“You might be surprised,” says Keke, “at the kinds of things we can do,” and with determination, blows bubbles out both sides of her mouth simultaneously.

“IFTH ILLY FEXHY,” Chloe manages around a wad of gum the size of a softball. “AGH CN SCHEW A LOH OF FINGHS”

Smirking, Principal Lanceford begins to undo his suit pants, to reveal his delicious, sweet, chewy look I don’t know how sex works.