There are six other people currently following Tristan and Mowbray dislikes all of them. They’re redundant. Why do they show up in person? Mowbray has the most experience, and issues regular updates on tristansgarbage.tumblr.com and twitter.com/tristracker. The latter are even geotagged.

Granted, one might interpret the sporadicity of updates to mean that Mowbray is delinquent, but in fact Tristan has merely taken up with a man and is too infatuated to follow his regular jogging route or buy Colgate Total Whitening Plus toothpaste. There’s little cause to worry, though, Mowbray knows. Tristan will come back to them. One way or another.