I got my preraw ultraselvedge “blue” “jeans” a year ago and love them. As instructed, I wear them daily, never wash, and use a rubber chisel to knock in knee joints each morning. When can I expect my skin to begin sloughing?

Sounds like you’re doing great! Everyone’s personal denim-fusion timeline is different, but I’d expect open sores within three months.

Master, my faith is greatly tested. What if I just took a sponge–

You are impure in my sight, and shall be cast out.

Dr. Denim! NOOO

Join us next week, when we discuss deflecting small-caliber bullets with your pants.