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Monthly Archives: March 2010

The Coracle Game

  1. Never play this game.
  2. Everyone gets a phone and the toll-free number for a large corporation.
  3. Your goal: get as deep into the phone tree as possible without authenticating yourself. Real account information is off-limits.
  4. Score 1 per touch-tone branch navigated, 10 per human spoken to, and -1 per minute spent on hold. Score no points, but die a little, each time someone with an accent is forced to tell you his name is Brad.
  5. Stop accruing points when the call ends.
  6. If you manage to commit fraud, you win! Now, hang up and flee across state lines.

Zach

Had Zach completed the training Hidebound claimed to have given him, he would have known that the impact of a bullet while wearing a vest is like a kick to the breadbasket by a medium-sized ungulate with smallish hooves. Had Hidebound been trying to show off, he might have used his favorite example, the okapi.

This would not have helped Zach, who believes that okapis are total nerds from Japan.

“Whough,” he says, falling gracelessly, denied any useful point of comparison. The Vulpine Phalanger has already vanished. Hidebound curses himself for aiming at the center of mass: training, you know.

Pimal

“We thought they’d just want a little graft and service off the top–protection, you know, not unusual in these parts–but they won’t leave us alone.” Jay shakes his head. “They want more. They want too much, and the things they want to do with my boys ain’t right. So I get to thinking that for less than what they’re skimming–”

“You could just hire a gun hand,” Pimal nods.

“We can pay,” says Jay.

“Well, I have to say,” she says, split by a crooked smile, “that’s the first time I’ve ever had a whore say that to me.”

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