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Monthly Archives: December 2009

Iakob

Nasser’s man Iakob–the one whose knee was recently reconfigured by István’s claw hammer–would recognize Zach if he saw him. They met last week, when Iakob came to Littleford’s agency to hire a killer. He wasn’t supposed to get a good one. Nasser just wanted to pull Sara’s hair.

Now Littleford is dead, and Pál is dead, and Zach and Iakob are in tremendous pain. Nasser can’t tell Sara what she wants to know; Zach knows very, very little.

Nasser’s smile is cold and sweaty, the smile of a man whose reach exceeds his grasp. Hidebound doesn’t smile at all.

von Bloöd

“What the hell was that out there?” yells Coach von Bloöd.

“Sorry, Coach,” says Thung, as the team medic wraps bandages around the axe in his skull.

“I want to see hustle! I want to see some execution!”

“But we ran that play just like you–”

“No! Literally execution!” says von Bloöd. “Can’t any of you decapitate their paladin?”

“Us not been playing dungeonball very long!” whines Ragachak. “Ragachak forget most of rules.”

“There are no rules!” roars the Coach, swelling with dark rage. “Just go kill the stupid adventurers!”

“Yeah, right,” mutters Bazuzel, “after we all got nerfed in 3.5.”

A Handy Pocket Guide to Distinguishing Wolves from Foxes

  1. Everyone you know is a wolf or a fox (and if we grow up, we grow up to be badgers).
  2. Foxes laugh at all their own jokes. Wolves just repeat the ones they heard from foxes.
  3. Foxes are pretty; wolves are lovely. Foxes can dart, but wolves can run.
  4. Foxes can walk on top of the snow, whereas wolves clear a path for the others.
  5. When a wolf loves a fox, it ends with tears shed. When a fox loves a fox, it ends in blood.
  6. A fox loved a wolf once. It never ended.
  7. Wolves cry; foxes burrow.
  8. Everyone kills.
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