“The horrific disaster at this photo shop has left ten thumbless,” says Branford in his most serious news voice, “as well as four without reflections, one heavily aliased, and two—yes, two with fake heads.”

“A tragedy,” confirms Susie at the anchor desk. “We’re also hearing that there may be some dead pixels?”

“Yes–I can tell from seeing quite a few such shops in my time.”

“Absolutely horrific. All right, Branford, we’ll be checking in with you later to explore each successive layer of this story–”

Branford winces. “When this airs,” he says, “you might want to filter that out.”