It’s been circulating under his name for fourteen hundred years before he becomes aware of its existence, tracks down the real author and confronts him with it.

“‘Sublimity?'” Longinus snaps. “REALLY?”

“Not the best translation,” Ahasuerus agrees. “I see you’ve attempted to confuse the issue of authorship.”

Longinus glances at the title page, where he’s successively written and crossed out LONGINUS DIONYSUS CASSIUS BACH AHASUERUS SUCKS. “It won’t work,” he grumbles. “Did you have to use my name?”

“They wouldn’t publish it under mine.”

“That’s no excuse!”

“Plus,” Ahasuerus grins, “payback for the thing in Athens,” and Longinus turns bright pink.