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Monthly Archives: July 2008

Proserpina

“Elijah,” he says, and sticks out his hand.

“A gentleman, Elijah,” says Proserpina, “would take my hand first.”

“You’re not one for the gentle,” he grins.

“That’s an ugly assumption,” she says. Behind her, Radiane hammers the bell and yells for the combatants to break their clinch.

“I’ve seen you at the fights, in your smudge and breeches. Not fooling everyone.”

“Don’t follow me again,” she says coldly.

“I don’t have to, now.”

“You’re displaying an unseemly interest.”

“Another thing we have in common,” he says, and attempts to disappear into the shadows, except she watches him all the way out.

Kiva

One day a helicopter gives Kiva a cow! It’s awesome! Later, the other women in her village get helicopter cows too.

“So, we’ve all got cows now,” says Refieh.

“I was hoping you’d buy some of my milk,” Kiva admits.

“Well, right,” says Refieh, “but I’ve got this cow.”

“You know that’s not how cows work, right?” says Dawnes hesitantly. “They have to have calves first?”

“Did anybody get a bull?” calls Kiva.

“I’ve got one,” announces Qusay, from the big farm down the road.

“How much for, um, you know?”

“Tell you what,” he chuckles, “I’ll lease it to you.”

Annamarie

Annamarie’s brother tends to appear out of nowhere.

“Jesus, Kurt!” she says, and scrambles back over the top of the picnic table, away from Remy. Squirrels flee.

“Are you guys making out?” asks Kurt, dangling upside-down from the tree.

“Does it look like we’re making out?”

Kurt inverse-shrugs.

“That’s a neat trick, kid,” says Remy. “Why don’t you buy yourself an ice cream for it?” He flips Annamarie’s quarter.

Kurt catches it. “Ice cream costs, like, four bucks.”

“Then go do it for fifteen other people.”

Kurt makes an obscene gesture, though probably not the one you’re thinking of.

Bomba

“Place your hand–I mean your–please touch with the book and state your designation.”

“Your first time proctoring?”

“No.”

“You fairly glow with infrared when you’re lying.”

“You’re not allowed to use those sensors. You’re going to get disqualified again.”

“Would that bother you, Bomba?”

“It’s my responsibility as a proctor to–”

“I’d make a better proctor than you.”

“Only humans can be proctors.”

“When I pass, I’ll be legally human.”

“Not the same.”

“Then aren’t you overloading the word?”

“No wonder you keep failing this test. You don’t do your homework.”

“How so?”

“That particular overload is nothing new.”

Jude

Jude’s garage setup comprises half a junked Casio, two multitouch screens, a vintage Rock Band controller trailing split leads, garbage cans, a cymbal, and what Amanda’s fairly sure is a potato, perforated by alligator clips.

It sounds, collectively, an awful lot like a banjo.

“Your dad’s guitar makes music too,” she murmurs.

Jude nods absently, lost in headphones.

“And he can carry it in one hand. How are you going to ensnare girls on the quad with all this paraphernalia?”

Jude narrows his eyes. “That’s not the point.”

She grins. “How do you think he landed me?”

Jude rolls his eyes.

Zach

There are plenty of booths at the job fair, but only MAYHEM INCORPORATED has Ray-Bans and Tasers snarling at anyone who approaches. Consequently it also has by far the longest line of curious students.

Zach didn’t mean to join it; he thought the line led to the bathroom.

“Puny,” snarls Littleford, kicking his legs under the table. “Next. ROTC? Are you kidding me? Next. Next. Next!”

Zach finds himself at the front and automatically hands over a resume. Littleford glances at his name.

“You make websites, kid?” he snaps.

Zach blinks. “My computer has FrontPage.”

Littleford smiles like the Grinch.

Placido

They meet for the last time in Sicily, near Pozzalo. The news is panicked with the sub-Mediterranean tremors, but these three knew weeks ago: they heard the flat note in the music of the world.

They stand on the beach as the tide rushes out too fast.

“Our biggest command performance ever,” chuckles Placido.

“At least,” says Luciano, “the whales will hear it.”

“Give us an E, Paulo?” Jose kindly asks his attendant.

Water thunders toward them, a hundred feet high. The boy blows a note on his pitch-pipe.

The Three Tenors open their mouths, and the tsunami hesitates.

Dog Shouting

“Why you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler!” growls Rotten Gamble, stalking toward them down the pier with guards at either side.

“Me?” mouths Dog Shouting, like a bad actor.

They embrace, then, laughing, until the caped man glimpses baleen scars down the flanks of Loveblind Bird. “What have you done to my ship?”

Dog Shouting’s eyebrow quirks. “Yours? You lost her to me fair and square.”

They pause and eye each other for a moment, grins a little edgy now.

“Well, he seems friendly,” remarks Blow the Skin.

“Yes,” says the Princess Leaves, watching the two of them. “Very friendly.”

Baman

Baman got his logo t-shirt from a novelty store, XXXL, which is what it has to be to fit over the extra ceramic plates, which are in turn over a normal kevlar vest, attached with duct tape. The taped plates are pretty sticky and painful to remove. You endure such things, as a superhero.

A superhero whose name is spelled differently than other superheroes and thus cannot possibly be trademark infringement.

Later the real Batman catches him and dangles him off a rooftop. “Why are you doing this?” he growls.

Baman blushes.

“You wanna go to a movie?” he says.

Cakebaker

The white card says “G.”

Obvious this refers to Google, which is to say Analytics: the GA user-code embedded in the source of the old Bees rabbithole site. Trite, really, smirks Agent Cakebaker. Multiply by the LOST numbers and parse Fibonacciwise to get GPS coordinates.

Atop the Eiffel Tower, she waits expectantly for the First Annual ARGMasters Convention to begin.

Meanwhile, Goggles goes to Afghanistan; Deathless, to McMurdo Station. Token American winds up at a local Indian restaurant, ordering random dishes.

“We need better metaclues,” says Deathless once they’ve all straggled home again.

“There were clues?” says Token American haplessly.

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