“Arr,” says Gilbert. He’s a pirate! He lives in the Strait of Malacca.

“Avast!” says Gilbert. He boards a ship! It’s carrying various spices.

“Hearties!” says Gilbert. He takes some prisoners! The prisoners will live out their lives in Malaysian sex rings, addicted to heroin.

“Ahoy!” says Gilbert. He goes into port! He drinks a charming amount of grog (rum mixed with water).

“Shiver me timbers!” says Gilbert. He contracts syphilis! He has difficulty obtaining antibiotics.

“Yo ho ho!” says Gilbert. He grows paranoid! Later he gets stabbed in a brawl on deck.

“Ghrhghh,” says Gilbert.

Yay for Gilbert!