“These things are worthless,” mutters Fred. “Sure, my forelegs were tiny. But if I wanted to move a flap of hide, dig for meat, okay, I didn’t have to shove my whole face in!” He looks really upset, for a nuthatch.

“Hey, I’m on your side,” says Gary, a swallow. “I had these… pointy thumb things, and–”

“Exactly! And now we get this crap!” Fred does an angry flapping dance. “Wings! The hell do I need wings for? Eating berries or fucking seeds?”

“Evolution,” sighs Gary. “Biggest mistake we ever made.”

“Right!” snaps Fred. “Let’s fix that!”

So they do.