Archive for the ‘Words’ Category
Friday, April 21st, 2006
Another week ends with little sense of breakthrough and too much sense of struggle. I had the strong feeling today that the experiment clarified the power of correct tactics, but is of limited value without the proper strategy. Perhaps the strategy will come out of applying the organizing principle, but I doubt it. There’s a missing key that’s greater than diligence, a missing key that must fuel the perseverance.
Tonight we were the guests of Jeannette and Ben, two more of our generous friends (the secret treasure in my life), along with Kathy and Bill, and Shirley and Larry. Of the four couples, we are the only one not enjoying an extraordinarily comfortable retirement rooted in a lifetime of dedicated work. These are people with whom I am totally at ease one-on-one, but the harder I tried to relax, the more uncomfortable and out of place I felt. My state of unease was silly and unnecessary, but I didn’t seem to be able to remove it, any more than I was in a position to take off my shirt.
On top of it all, I realize that it really had nothing to do with my environment or my companions. As long as my life is out of balance, I’ll feel stuck in a rut, and so I’ve got to keep striving to sort this out.
Again, Emerson’s words weigh on my mind:
I find the coincidence of the extremes of eastern and western speculation in the daring statement of Schelling, “there is in every man a certain feeling, that he has been what he is from all eternity, and by no means became such in time.” To say it less sublimely, — in the history of the individual is always an account of his condition, and he knows himself to be a party to his present estate.
Posted in Angst, Friends, Nonfiction, Personalities, Priorities | Comments Closed
Thursday, April 13th, 2006
I requested the newest book by Paul Watkins from the library, and they bought it for the collection. It looks like I’m about to complete The Ice Soldier in one week. It’s clear that this author has developed a following, which has scant meaning to any particular reader, and that he’s also earned heaps of critical praise, but so have writers I find unreadable. All I care to know is that I’ve found a novelist who consistently delivers the goods for me. That’s enormously satisfying, although I’m sure I’d require his remarkable verbal skills to adequately put my appreciation into words.
There seems to be two main reasons to own a copy of a novel. First of all, it provides the opportunity to reach out and connect at one’s own volition, like telephoning a good friend. And, of course, the other reason is to loan it to those same friends. I want to own this book, but it occurs to me that a measure of my fondness for my friends will be whether I convince myself to buy two copies…
Posted in Fiction, Friends, Gratitude, Personalities | Comments Closed
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
— Dana and I had an impromptu dinner with Mombo last night and I took the opportunity to show her my example of “Legacy Art.” I’m starting to wonder if that’s the best terminology for it, but I haven’t come up with anything better. I like the non-specificity, and the wide range of niche markets it could cover. When Seth saw it, he thought the style might appeal to high-end extreme sports devotees. The first example does have an “Indy Jones” visual flavor to it, and that could be appealing to any number of different target audiences—pilots, speed-boaters, racers, sailors, deep-sea anglers, climbers, divers, skiers, eco-trekkers, equestrians—I don’t know, as long as they have some dough and are fascinated enough with the significance of their own exploits to document themselves with an uncommon work of art. I need to define my ideal, well-heeled “mark.” How does “Raiders of the Flossed Mark” sound? Ooh, that was bad. See yesterday’s entry…
— I haven’t mentioned it, but after the events of the weekend, I was stunned when my pal David decided to present me with two unbelievably nice gifts—a pair of early 20th-century British Enfield military firearms, an officer’s revolver and a bolt-action rifle. I still don’t know what to say to him. He must appreciate the portrait that much, so I really shouldn’t joke about it. On my part, it’s a genuine attempt to find an unmet need in the art world, and I’m not going to put the venture aside just because I didn’t set the room on fire with my initial foray into the marketplace. It gave me pleasure to complete my first in the series with my friend as the subject. Now, the next step is to execute the second under the supervision of my great white huntress. That sounds much more provocative than it’ll play out, I’m sure…
— Yes, I really shouldn’t joke about my effort to reposition myself as a commemorative illustrator. Beside the fact that it wouldn’t amount to funny, the objective tends to epitomize everything that’s held me fixated for over a month, which actually turned out to be a rather serious project of self-study and introspective behavior modification. If poking fun at the pursuit would help my evaluation, than I’m all for it, but I’m more inclined to start looking at the lessons learned and assign myself some new action items to preserve my momentum. One of the primary things that came to light was how much doubt and fear I’d allowed to penetrate into my outlook, workstyle, and personal ambitions… mild, perhaps, but insidious nevertheless. That just has to go, and there are still pockets to root out, but at least I’ve developed the sensitivity to identify and counteract such an undesirable emotional undercurrent. It’s been a major source of wasted energy, as was my habit of distracting myself. It’s amazing how many typical trains of thought and everyday diversions seem trivial to me now, or at least unfocused. I’ve known for awhile that the pattern was there, but it took a diligent effort to unwind the nature of the chain reactions and recognize the old ruts for what they are. Once again, I come back happily to Emerson:
“Profligacy consists not in spending years of time or chests of money,—but in spending them off the line of your career. The crime which bankrupts men and states, is, job-work — declining from your main design, to serve a turn here or there. Nothing is beneath you, if it is in the direction of your life: nothing is great or desirable, if it is off from that…”
V & S
Posted in Art, Business, Dana, Family, Firearms, Friends, Mombo, Nonfiction, Priorities | Comments Closed
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
March experiment—day twenty-four— I rescheduled my ten-miler when I arose to discover a steady shower of wet sleet at first light. Well, at least I didn’t have more than my hopes invested in the proposed venture, unlike other ambitious people. I may be bonkers, but I’m not a madman. Not yet, anyway. However, I do recall running in worse weather during the winter of oh-two. A local man stopped his car and yelled, “You’ve got to be crazy to run in this!” I shouted back, “You’ve got to be crazy to drive in this!”
Today is about dealing efficiently with a multiple of tasks recently sidelined by a critical deadline, which naturally tends to subordinate other priorities. It’s about breaking a habit—temporarily letting go of my discipline or indulging an escape after a major presentation, instead of shifting the same level of focus to a new area of active creativity. Maintaining a momentum of accomplishment is a more desirable reward, if a reward is necessary. I’m tired of having to regain my inertia over and over again. I’d rather keep a more even pace of achievement. I’ve learned this from exercise, but the idea has taken on a new power for me, the more I pay attention to the advice of artists who know how to routinely get things done.
Last night before bed I spent time with Kazu’s description of how he creates his “Copper” strip. This morning I’m “mining” an interview with Arundhati Roy. Some of her thoughts fascinate me because I’m trying to find a way through the challenge of shifting my fine art from a gift-oriented activity to a more self-centric ambition, in order to professionalize it within a desired array of income modules. For reasons unclear, I’ve been getting more out of listening closely to writers and filmmakers (and a dancer!) than I get out of listening to designers or visual artists.
“You know, I always believed that even among the best writers, there are selfish writers and there are generous ones. Selfish writers leave you with the memory of their book. Generous writers leave you with the memory of the world they evoked. To evoke a world, to communicate it to someone, is like writing a letter to someone that you love. It’s a very thin line. For me, books are gifts. When I read a book, I accept it as a gift from an author. When I wrote this book, I presented it as a gift. The reader will do with it what they want.”
Roy’s keen insight applies to all the fine arts—in my case, the applied arts. If I’m to be honest with myself, it’s my identity as an illustrator that I seek to define, rather than as a true fine artist, at least in the near term. Earning commissions for the type of imagery I intend to create involves meaningful service to a customer, and so I must juggle my own artistic agenda while capturing a high level of personal significance for my client—balancing the selfish with the generous—providing pleasure in the sense of legacy, a useful satisfaction. Emerson often draws his distinction between the fine and the “useful” arts, but makes clear that both can lead to wealth.
Why is it that I’ve been more comfortable with dedicated effort toward seizing health and less so with wealth? Is it just cultural conditioning or is it part of my DNA? I wanted health, so I built it into my body. It took time, but I did it. I have goals that require a solid microeconomic platform. Forget wealth. I would hope that I could just free myself from the low-grade financial stress that erodes well-being. But Emerson doesn’t dance euphemistically around the issue. He uses the word.
“Wealth is in application of mind to nature; and the art of getting rich consists not in industry, much less in saving, but in a better order, in timeliness, in being at the right spot.”
Indeed. Let’s get back to the drill.
Today’s sight bite— Afternoon sunlight cuts across a wall the color of thick mucous, as my paint-saturated roller subtracts the distasteful hue—c-l-i-c-k—with white, glorious white, overtaking the wall, swath by swath.
Tomorrow— Running toward the dawn, to share the silence with friends…
Posted in Art, Business, Creativity, Exercise, Nonfiction, Personalities, Priorities, Studio, Time | Comments Closed
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
March experiment—day fourteen— Up before the alarm, with my mind too full of typography to postpone the opening ritual. Did I really think I could write and design a point-of-purchase promotion for “Share the Road” and circulate it among the Commissioners before 9 am? Not really. Didn’t think. Just set to work, to short-circuit the doubt.
To just begin, and trust the habit of creation.
“Finished is better than perfect.” Spoken inside without fear, these words from Gene Johnson—who may have swiped them—can be a certain kind of victory for me today.
Tonight’s Kirov concert was a lesson in contrasts. Tchaikovsky’s D major Violin Concerto with Mikhail Simonyan, followed by the Shostakovich 10th. Who wouldn’t find delight in the former? But, if you appreciate a brand of music decidedly in the “spooky” vein, you might prefer the latter.
Today’s sight bite— A carpet of emerald clippings under a sculpted yew—c-l-i-c-k—and the rusted tines of a familiar rake.
Tomorrow— Halfway through the experiment, it’s time to ratchet up my focus in the studio, and to lead a strategic discussion with local cyclists later in the day…
Posted in Art, Creativity, Music, Personalities, Public Service, Studio, Words | Comments Closed
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
March experiment—day thirteen— Today’s dramatic change in weather makes me realize I got just what I wished for. Hmmm—perhaps, while I’m on a roll…
A few interesting things happened today. I was happy to get back from the gym in time to catch Junger’s interview on C-SPAN, and it made for some good breakfast viewing. Although I’ve broken my habit of watching early morning television, this was a worthwhile aberration. I share with him a special concern for the Afghan people that goes back to the 80s, when friends and I met with Mujahideen representatives during their stay in Dayton. I can’t like a journalist as much as I like Junger unless I trust that person’s instincts, and for some reason I completely trust this guy to get exactly the right take on whatever he observes. So now I’ll have to go find a copy of “Vanity Fair.” This afternoon I had a crucial discussion with Wilma at the Community Arts Center about raising my profile as an artist, and her advice may prove invaluable. The most stimulating thing is how much it coincides with some of the suggestions and encouragement I’ve gotten from David. A daunting transition, to be sure, but one that I must initiate in the near term. Stay tuned.
Today’s sight bite— Flags snapping on the Salvation Army pole against a field of midday blue—c-l-i-c-k—the kind of pure, deep shade that invigorates my soul.
Tomorrow— Conference call with KBBC Commissioners, trip to the courthouse to pick up my “Share the Road” license plate, and an evening of Russian music…
Posted in Art, Friends, Nature, Nonfiction, Personalities, Priorities, Television | Comments Closed
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
Everyone is playing the California Game!
_ _ _
Where is Atlantis? Continent of mud.
Where is the mud? It’s buried in crud.
What is the crud? A dream in decay.
Whose dream was that? They squandered their day.
When was the day? An age of great life.
Why was it great? They abolished all strife.
Who gave it up? The creative few.
What did they make? Themselves, anew.
Where is the self? Enshrined deep within.
Why are they gone? The price of the sin.
_ _ _
Posted in Brendan, Playtime, Verse | Comments Closed
Monday, February 6th, 2006
In Memoirs of a Geisha, the main character reflects on the advice of her mother, who taught that water, with time, can cut through the hardest rock, and, when blocked, will always find another way.
Why is it that everywhere I shift my attention, I’m reminded of the power of persistent, repetitive action? Is the universe using the method itself to make sure the concept gradually penetrates my stubborn personality?
When I look over the past dozen years or so, the most noticeable change I can recognize in myself is the transformation to high physical activity from a sedentary mode. It wasn’t initially inspired by a dream. Rather, it grew out of an apprehensive realization that I undoubtedly carried the same predisposition to heart disease that had claimed my father’s life. Out of weakness came strength—increment by increment, workout by workout, mile by mile.
So, there I have it. Out of my weakness to believe that I could achieve without grinding, habitual effort my dream—a dynamic life on the land, making art from a studio in the Knobs—can come a new practice and ritual which is the only course that will ever take me there. Yes, there will be obstacles and inner resistance. At times, the water will need to find an alternative path, but there is no alternative to the necessity of the “drill.” No other way than through the power of focused routine, and a life of productive habit.
Once again, I must read the words of Emerson and let them sink in—
In chemistry, the galvanic stream, slow, but continuous, is equal in power to the electric spark, and is, in our arts, a better agent. So in human action, against the spasm of energy, we offset the continuity of drill. We spread the same amount of force over much time, instead of condensing it into a moment.
Once more.
And again…
Posted in Art, Dadbo, Exercise, Family, Movies, Nature, Nonfiction, Priorities, Time | Comments Closed
Saturday, February 4th, 2006
Twyla Tharp makes clear throughout her invaluable book that creative consistency can only be achieved when the artist pushes beyond talent and desire to infuse work with an ethic of ritual. Not even skill, imagination, research, or planning will compensate for the lack of a daily habit of constructive focus. Emerson calls it “drill.”
Both of them describe a level of disciplined concentration with which I have personal experience, but only for relatively brief spells in my life. I’ve always felt relieved to settle back into a more multi-dimensional frame of mind. I never understood how the focused state could be harnessed as a positive habit pattern because I wasn’t convinced there was any reason to do so. My self-image as a hard worker coexisted with a misplaced desire to indulge my aversion to structured, regimented, predictable behavior. I built an entire lifestyle around it, but, to be frank, I haven’t built much else.
I was talking to my brother James last night and when he asked what was going on with me, I replied without thinking, “You should read my blog.”
I knew it was lame as soon as I said it. His not unkind reply was that he just didn’t have the time. I wasn’t surprised, but I still carried a vague sense of disbelief for the rest of the night until I finished Emerson’s “Power” before bed.
The one prudence in life is concentration; the one evil is dissipation: and it makes no difference whether our dissipations are coarse or fine; property and its cares, friends, and a social habit, or politics, or music, or feasting. Everything is good which takes away one plaything and delusion more, and drives us home to add one stroke of faithful work.
The thinker likens the severe limiting of miscellaneous activity to an orchard-man’s pruning which “forces the sap of the tree into one or two vigorous limbs, instead of suffering it to spindle into a sheaf of twigs.”
It’s not too late for me to take the step from knowing to doing. Typically for me, it’ll be easier said than done. Twyla would stomp her foot and shout, “Begin!”
Now that I’ve convinced everyone to stop reading this blog, I’d better quit. Or perhaps I should revisit my own misgivings from my very first entry over a year ago.
Posted in Blogging, Creativity, Family, James, Nonfiction, Personalities, Priorities, Time | Comments Closed
Friday, February 3rd, 2006
This is one of those moments when I think that I didn’t begin to get a real education until after the age of 50, when I finally settled for me as a teacher.
Me said, “It’s not too late to learn how to think.” I answered, “Ok, Me. Let’s get started.”
Joan was kind enough to make some of Joe Wood’s books available, and there was one I accepted with particular seriousness—“The Conduct of Life,” a collection of essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Perhaps true book-larnin’ doesn’t take place until one can center on an idea or theme after confronting it from multiple directions.
A good start, but there’s little chance a revelation will be internalized until put into actual practice.
Here is something I just read from the essay called “Power”—
When Michel Angelo was forced to paint the Sistine Chapel in fresco, of which art he knew nothing, he went down into the Pope’s gardens behind the Vatican, and with a shovel dug out ochres, red and yellow, mixed them with glue and water with his own hands, and having, after many trials, at last suited himself, climbed his ladders, and painted away, week after week, month after month, the sibyls and prophets. He surpassed his successors in rough vigor, as much as in purity of intellect and refinement. He was not crushed by his one picture left unfinished at last. Michel was wont to draw his figures first in skeleton, then to clothe them with flesh, and lastly to drape them. “Ah!” said a brave painter to me, thinking on these things, “if a man has failed, you will find he has dreamed instead of working. There is no way to success in our art, but to take off your coat, grind paint, and work like a digger on the railroad, all day and every day.”
Posted in Art, Education, Family, Joan, Nonfiction, Personalities | Comments Closed
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
— Month of January workout totals: Swim-5; Bike-2; Run-2; Lift-8; Yoga-13
— Most who know me are aware that I ran—this is where I always have to stop and clarify or say something like “traversed under my own power,” since “ran” is not appropriately descriptive nor entirely accurate—50 miles on my 50th birthday. Later that same year I finished the Chicago Marathon under five hours. That’s my experience with long-distance running. At times I wonder why I didn’t keep it up, but usually I just wonder why I still feel any need at all to stay in running, biking, and swimming condition to be within striking distance of performing a triathlon. Well, it’s important to cross-train, I tell myself, and besides, staying in triathlon shape is not extreme, it’s just what I consider the baseline of physical fitness. I used to think of extreme as my friend who completed over 80 marathon runs, including one in all 50 states and all 7 continents (yes, I know, Antarctica). Or maybe extreme could be defined as competing in “Ironman” triathlons—a 2.4-mile swim, followed by a 112-mile bike ride, and then a 26-mile marathon on top of it, all in one day. And then I heard about the Hardrock Hundred, a 100-mile race that takes place in the mountains of Colorado. Is that extreme or what? Actually there are those who don’t think that’s enough of a challenge, and push the idea of extreme out to the borderlands of madness—the World Championship Quintuple Iron Triathlon. Believe it or not, that’s a distance equivalent to five Ironmans. There’a guy from Louisville who did it. He finished seventh, with a time that set a new U.S. record. A 12-mile swim, 560-mile bike, and 131-mile run. After four days, nine hours, and 40 minutes, he hobbled across the finish line, his body well into the process of cannibalizing his own muscle tissue. Do you think that’s extreme? Now try this—next November there’s a race in Mexico that requires ten Ironmans in ten days, and the Iron Kentuckian is thinking about an attempt. When I heard that I thought about the Athenian warrior Phidippides, who ran what’s considered to be the first marathon in the year 490 BC. He expired. We’ll keep you posted.
— The previous blurb brings to mind a recent article in Money Magazine that one of our clients brought to our attention. Jason Zweig explains in “The Thrill is Wrong” that the new science of “neuroeconomics” is helping investors understand that brain metabolism may cause us to make bad money decisions in much the same way we make bad decisions about food, drink, drugs and sex. Maybe they should add exercise to that list.
— After delivering my finished exhibition print to the Carnegie Center, Dana and I had a nice carnitas dinner in Lexington and then settled down to watch a late screening of Memoirs of a Geisha. I knew I’d enjoy it—actually, much more than Marshall’s “Chicago,” even though it’s garnered less acclaim—as I knew I’d enjoy “The Last Samurai,” because I can easily overlook the flaws in a picture like this. When the production design for a Japan-based story is this awesome, I can never leave the theater disappointed. I must make a note to check out any movie with set decoration by Gretchen Rau. It bothered me that they cast the two female leads with Chinese and Malaysian stars, but I think I was bothered more by the idea of it, going into the theatre, than during the feature. Ziyi Zhang deserved an Oscar nomination. It’s a powerful story, probably a better book, and almost worth the outrageous ticket price. Ken Watanabe is excellent once again, and I always get a kick out of seeing Mako pop up with his trademark scowl, even for less than a minute of screen time.
V & S
Posted in Dana, Exercise, Food, Friends, History, Movies, Nonfiction, Personalities, Studio | Comments Closed
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
I first encountered Paul Watkins as a memoirist, and then set out to investigate his novels, reading both a later and earlier one. But, because I’d discovered his prose as nonfiction—spoken in his own, highly personal voice—I just had to find a copy of his first autobiographical work, “Stand Before Your God,” an account of his coming of age at English boarding schools. Thank goodness for the Kentucky system of interlibrary loans!
“Stand” is a bit tough to settle into, due to its uncomfortable opening. As a boy, Paul was literally tricked into leaving home at the age of seven to get an education in the centuries-old manner of the English upper crust. Unfortunately, he was an American, and was made to feel the misfit from the first startling moments. Out of this inescapable loneliness his creativity is born, and by page 100, I’d grown so fond of the lad that I was already bemoaning the end of the book.
A few years ago, after finishing “Drawing Life: Surviving the Unabomber” by David Gelernter, I understood that it’s possible for one to develop such a deep affection for the mind of a writer that the life-span of an exceptional book triggers all the emotions associated with birth, maturation, separation, and, inevitably, the finality of mourning.
I think many dedicated readers would understand what I’m trying to describe. Although I’m a bit uneasy with this phenomenon, I’m not ashamed to admit that on rare occasions, I can actually fall in love with an artist’s creative personality. Maybe it’s even more than that—a non-physical soul union of some type that alters you for the better.
When it comes down to it, most art is basically stupid… but not when it reaches heights worthy of the word. To be able to produce a single significant, enduring work of art is a tremendous achievement, but to consistently connect with others at such an essential level—as Watkins is able to do—almost defies comprehension.
Posted in Art, Fiction, Nonfiction, Personalities | Comments Closed
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
Beyond the realm of thinking
Or mere philosophy,
You hoped to comprehend it,
Unlock reality.
The mind is much too wondrous
To squander in a rut.
You must have felt you’d find it
In your heart, bones, or gut.
“Teach a lie, conceal the whole,
And satisfy with crumbs.
Chew another piece of soul,
but let them keep their thumbs.”
Sed libera nos a malo
And tortured Gospel cries.
You always feared to swallow
Those precious infant eyes.
The pictures were too jarring,
Each time you stopped to stare.
You never thought to measure
A mother’s simple prayer.
You’ll make it through the downpour,
When you reduce your speed,
With steps the Lord will show you,
Sufficient to your need.
J A D
Posted in Verse | Comments Closed
Monday, January 9th, 2006
As Dana and I worked our way back toward Danville, we found ourselves near the Kentucky Theater, with the chance to catch a showing of “The Squid and the Whale” during its last week in Lexington. We hadn’t been in the adjacent State Theatre since the screening of Andrew’s movie last summer. Seeing this kind of film reminds me how much I appreciate the full spectrum of cinema, from the huge spectacles like “War of the Worlds,” to small literary pictures like “Squid.” I’m not enough of a groupie to outline any details, but I recognize the quality of the creative output coming from this particular circle of film makers, including Noah Baumbach, Wes Anderson, Jennifer Jason Leigh (Vic Morrow‘s daughter), the Wilson brothers, and others. The nature of the circle’s connection to talents such as Bill Murray, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Kevin Kline are unknown to me, but serves as a clear reminder that the movie biz is a relatively “small world” at the nontechnical level. “Squid” has obvious parallels to “The Royal Tenenbaums,” but it also triggered some reflections on “The Anniversary Party.” Beyond the dynamics of the artistic circle (usually behind the camera, but occasionally in front as well), these kinds of low-budget, quasi-autobiographical pieces tend to fascinate me when well executed, not so much because of the typical, self-reflective focus on dysfunctional relationships, but the way in which the art affects me at an emotional level and stimulates personal objectives. For me, that’s what movie-going has always been about—the lingering internal ripples of the following day (and beyond, if I’m lucky, or did a decent bit of homework before making my choice of feature). For instance, in spite of all the attention to the unattractive snobbishness of intellectual elitism, I come away from “Squid” with the distinct desire to reverse my practice of keeping at arm’s length the major works of great novelists—Dickens, Melville, Proust, etc. It brings to mind the words of Michel Seuphor, which I copied in my journal a while back: “You can never see too many things in a work of art. Itself, the work is a means for discovering what is already within us. The true work of art is more than its creator; it is always behind him; soon it enters another orbit not his, because the artist changes, he dies, while the work lives in others.” Twyla Tharp takes it a step further, examining the potential power of sub-art, with her story about Jerome Robbins: He was “a true man of the theater, who made a point of going to see everything because he could find something useful in even the worst productions. He’d sit there, viewing the catastrophe onstage, and imagine how he would have done it differently. A bad evening at the theater for everyone else was a creative workout for him.” No bad art, only bad observers? I wouldn’t take it to that extreme…
Posted in Art, Creativity, Dana, Fiction, Friends, Movies, Personalities, Theatre | Comments Closed
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
I’ve been thinking on and off all day about how to express myself on the subject of Brendan’s generosity of spirit, plus the joy and fascination he’s brought to my life by sharing his interests, discoveries, and human connections, but I can’t get it to coalesce.
It’s like I’m trying to sketch with my hands wrapped in duct tape.
Perhaps the words will come another day…
Posted in Brendan, Words | Comments Closed
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
Days of mixed emotions as the year draws to a close…
I’m really excited about the wise, practical advice I’m getting from Twyla Tharp’s “The Creative Habit,” the best book on creativity I’ve ever discovered. Anyone who is remotely artistic or has even a modest hope of harnessing their creative abilities should read this book. I wish I’d read it 30 years ago—a silly thought, since she wrote it in 2003. That she’s been able to synthesize from her life experience such a down-to-earth approach is another form of genius beyond her greatness as a dancer/choreographer. Her counsel is so effective that I’m already getting noticeable results, and I’m only half way through the book.
In a previous entry I mentioned Paula, the state employee who was coordinating the KBBC when I joined the Commission at the end of the summer. I learned today that the cancer has advanced to the final stage and her family was gathering nearby to keep the vigil. My one long talk with Paula took place on what might have been the most exhilarating day of the year for me. She was very nice and very professional, believing she was making a routine follow-up call to introduce herself and offer her help within the Transportation Cabinet. I was totally lost, and it became clear soon enough that I wasn’t yet aware of the Governor’s appointment. We ended up having an amusing conversation after we put the awkward moment of embarrassment behind us. I looked forward to getting to know her and hardly imagined never speaking to her again. I don’t need to go into the memories from a year ago that this news brings to the surface. I just hate to be reminded that another family is facing a new year with the same tide of overwhelming sadness.
With the observance of her 15th birthday, my niece Hayley is on the brink of success as an athlete. She’s put in some hard work as a youngster, but is now poised to commence her career as an outstanding high school ballplayer. I watched her carry her team to a two-point tournament game victory yesterday as a freshman, and I can vividly see the potential, although I’m not knowledgeable enough to analyze her situation in detail. I’ll leave that to others. I just know how happy I am for her and how much I wish her well. A relaxed self-confidence is beginning to blossom, plus the capacity to turn on “the means,” when necessary. A good combination that will improve with more playing time, which she’s certain to get after a performance like her 14-point, 9-rebound effort last night. You got it, Belle— go tear ’em up tonight!
Bruce has improved enough for probable release by the weekend. He’s still experiencing enough dramatic flux in his body temperature, blood pressure, and pulse rate to keep everyone on edge about his prognosis for 2006. It took our friend Nathan two years to recover some level of normalcy in his bout with pancreatitis, presumably a worse case than Bruce’s, and that included multiple surgeries. This gives me reason to have the long-term outlook for a positive outcome, to resist the tendency to fret about the periodic fluctuations, and to recognize that the Father has a purpose for this man that none of us can begin to imagine. It will just take time. Lots of it.
So… I’m juggling joy, sadness, hope, and fear right now, but behind that veneer of emotional energy is a core of Divine Love. I’m grateful that I grew up swimming in a lake of pure love. Not indulgence or sympathy or favoritism or the milk of human kindness. Love. The real thing. And I realize now that it’s the Presence of God in my life, and I’ve since learned how many others have struggled to adulthood without it. That is surely my greatest gift. Not my talents, or my excellent health, or my “good joss,” but the certainty of always knowing I am deeply loved, and it enables me to touch the Heart of Christ—if I remember to pay attention. If I relax, avoid the panic, and float in that vast life-giving ocean—an inner and outer home that’s always been there and always will be.
Posted in Creativity, Family, Gratitude, Nonfiction, Personalities, Priorities, Public Service, Sport | Comments Closed
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
I generally don’t pay much attention to the calendar that honors the saints, but I always take special note of the “feast day” that falls on this date. This holy person, familiar to all Christians, is referred to as “John the Apostle” or “John the Evangelist,” but I know him as “John the Beloved.” The only one of the Twelve to endure his Master’s passion until the end, the well-being of the Blessed Mother was entrusted to his guardianship, and, perhaps less obvious, Jesus also committed his mother to caring for John as her son (John 19:27). How singular his role! The Father would preserve his life to an advanced age after all the other Apostles were long slain.
Why do I regard John so highly? Yes, my name is John and have held this attachment since childhood, plus I’ve always taken pleasure in the Easter moment when John wins the footrace to the tomb against Peter. I also like how he comes to our attention as a seeker, transferring his interest (with Andrew!) from the Baptist (another John) to Jesus—hey, gimme a break, I’m named after two guys who weren’t against going where the path took them. But I know myself well enough to see that it’s the sacred personality of John that holds deep spiritual appeal for me. His fundamental message of love is more powerful than intellectual arguments, and he influences my conviction that love in action may be the only true religion. He was also the strongest—before the Holy Spirt came into the picture.
There are times when I think that there are two kinds of Christians, those that say to themselves, “I’d have been scared, too, and stayed away,” and those who say to themselves, “I’d have stayed with Jesus and let the chips fall.” For those of us who believe we might have had the courage to stand there and watch, the “disciple whom Jesus loved” is our saint. But I’m a man, and must now remind myself that Mary Magdalene also kept the vigil with Mother Mary. And then there are times when I think that this notion is flawed, for, as Robert Benchley wrote, “There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don’t.”
Posted in Personalities, Saints, Scripture | Comments Closed
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
• Nobody can recite the Holy Bible like Charlton Heston, and I do mean nobody. Christmas morning isn’t set until I watch his performance of the Nativity verses, filmed at the ruins of a Roman amphitheater. Sometimes I just want to shut my eyes and listen to the masterful shift of his voice characterization from Angel to Blessed Virgin to Shepherd to Magi to the 12-year-old Jesus in the temple doing “my father’s business.” And I always enjoy how he portrays the angel telling Joseph that Herod “is dead,” almost as if the heavenly being takes grim satisfaction in the opportune demise.
• My TV-Show Fantasy Wish List for Santa: I want a sprawling hacienda like Big John Cannon’s, on a ranch like The Yellow Rose, with a horse just like Jason McCord’s, and a fully stocked pull-down gun panel like the one James West had. When I need to be in the city, I’d like a Robin Masters Ferrari so I can commute to my urban pad, just like the apartment Jim Phelps lived in, with a big John Gnagy studio attached, plus a closet with an Alexander Mundy wardrobe. I suppose that’ll do for this year, Santa, unless you want to toss in a hovercraft, custom-built by Benton Quest. I’ve been really, really nice.
• I don’t know how long ago the “Oyster-Stew Eve” tradition began, but now it wouldn’t be Christmas for me without it. We gathered once again last night at Mombo’s, and it was a full house with all the Hellyers in attendance. Bubb played the temperamental stew chef, but his main course was superb as usual. I could have done without the bizarre homily that gushed on about everyone’s favorite computer racketeer earning his media sainthood. Oh well, there’s got to be a reason church hierarchs would exile a pastor to the boondocks of rural Kentucky. After what I’ve learned about the downfall of the precious parish in Richmond, nothing is going to surprise me about the bewildering judgments of those running an institutional religion that long ago lost its way. Give me a simple family Christmas Eve, with loving hugs, wall-to-wall cousins, Yorkies under foot, Jaybon’s vino, mud room goodbyes, and the lasting brilliance of a Dadbo who combined the sleep-inducing benefits of warm milk for the kiddoes, with a dose of aphrodisiac for Mr. and Mrs. Claus.
Posted in Community, Dadbo, Family, Food, Holidays, Jay, Jerome, Mombo, Personalities, Scripture, Television, Wine | Comments Closed
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
I saw Joan’s mention of Aunt Carol’s game.
Beverages included? What about spices?
Ok, ok…
If I spend any more time, I’ll just keep fiddling around with them, so here are my picks—
Corn, tomatoes, spinach, almonds, eggs, cheese, avocados, vanilla ice cream, strawberries, and raspberries.
And we get to share, right?
How about if we add to the game?
I wasn’t there at the genesis, but what if we discovered a chest on Magic Island containing three books—a Holy Bible, the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, and Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language (unabridged)—and each of us could pick three additional books, which the chest would produce for our group library. There would be no other books on Magic Island—for the rest of our lives.
What three volumes would you choose?
Here are my selections—
The I Ching (or Book of Changes), The Odyssey of Homer, and James Clavell’s SHÕGUN.
When faced with picking books with pictures or books with words, I chose words. When faced with making more universal choices or being selfish, I decided to be selfish.
What about you?
Would you pick a how-to book, a cookbook (not a bad idea), or a collection of reproductions? Literature? What about a book with blank pages—no other books on Magic Island means just that—or a work you’d want the other inhabitants to read?
Nobody knows how long the chest’s magic will last.
Hurry, but choose wisely…
Posted in Art, Family, Fiction, Food, Nonfiction, Playtime, Priorities, Verse | Comments Closed
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
This Paul Watkins novel simmered until page 256 and then boiled over inside me without warning.
How did he do that? It makes me want to wolf down the remaining 54 pages in one sitting, but I’m not sure I’m ready to release these characters just yet.
This is the third novel he wrote—at age 26. Third person rather than first, it has a slightly more unsettling tone than “The Forger,” but no less cinematic (even more so I’d say), and yet it’s clear the same creative force is present in this earlier work. Although perhaps a bit more eager to entertain at this stage, he applies a youthful energy to his story in a remarkably economical manner.
Posted in Fiction, Personalities | Comments Closed
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
Dana and I decided to just go all the way with a “biopic grand slam,” and so we borrowed “Ray” from the library. Every so often I watch an Oscar-winner at work (Nicolas Cage in “Leaving Las Vegas” comes to mind) and I think, “Is this truly a performance that deserved an Academy Award?” This was definitely not one of those times. I’ll leave it to others more gifted than me to characterize Jamie Foxx’s phenomenal achievement.
As far as the movie goes, it makes “Beyond the Sea” look anemic by comparison—the difference between an obvious indie project and a big commercial picture with the highest production values. “Ray” is one of the best sounding Hollywood products in recent memory. The sound mixers deserved their awards every bit as much as the lead actor. Superbly directed, designed, and edited, the film is a technical masterpiece, but was it a better picture than “Million Dollar Baby?” No—because Clint delivers the full package that your heart is yearning for when you choose a movie like this. “Ray” has its moments—quite a few, and they’re exceptional—but failed to sustain a deep emotional connection for me. I cared more about whether Johnny Cash overcame his addiction in “Walk the Line,” and I really don’t think it was a function of who Ray Charles was or how good a job Jamie Foxx did.
I’ll continue to contemplate the similarities and contrasts of the four musical biographies I’ve discussed in my last two entries, and why one or another excelled in a particular area. In any case, each one of them is well worth the time, but now I plan to accept a couple new assignments in the spare-time department—the complete “Firefly” collection plus an early Paul Watkins novel…
Posted in Craftsmanship, Dana, Fiction, Movies, Music, Personalities, Television | Comments Closed
Friday, December 2nd, 2005
I was mildly freaked out when Ian told me on Thanksgiving that he ordered “The Forger” based on my recommendation at this site. I hope he’s not disappointed. One never knows if another will have a response to a work of fiction similar to one’s own. I think he may find interesting the parallel between a young man living alone in Paris and his own solitary travel to an unfamiliar city.
But Halifax had it easy. He only had to deal with the Gestapo.
Posted in Family, Fiction | Comments Closed