Today it was necessary to take stock of all the dimensions of the life I share—professional, domestic, marital, personal—and resolve to get back to the basics. Some things can survive without nurturing, but they’re rarely important enough to matter…
Archive for the ‘Priorities’ Category
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
Saturday, August 27th, 2005Holding the pace vs slowing down
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005With everything that’s been going on the past six months or so, and with all the time I’ve spent around truly ill people, it still came as a surprise after my 34-miler last night to get “body signals” which murmur (if one is listening), “Better let up on the gas pedal. Quiet yourself. Rest. Or else.”
A soldier’s night
Friday, August 12th, 2005Josh was quiet, but clearly happy to be among family. I can’t remember the last time there were so many of us gathered together. The “Houseboat Trilogy” was a hit, and Seth deserved to get most of the glory.
Welcome back, Josh. Have a good time before you must return. Forgive us for the fake video violence that we create for amusement. We know that you’re a professional, and that the dangers you face are very real. We can play at fighting only because you volunteer to go to work behind a machine gun.
Lesson learned
Saturday, August 6th, 2005My performance fell short of a medal for the first time in four years at the Coach Plummer Cross-Country 5k this morning. There’s lots of reasons, but, most importantly, I must not cast aside my standard pre-race discipline so easily.
Didn’t anybody tell her, Didn’t anybody see
Wednesday, July 27th, 2005My life may have changed significantly today, but I’m not actually certain of that yet, and I’ll have to sort it out before I can write about it…
Don’t you eyeball me
Monday, July 25th, 2005I got an email from the optometrist today, He wasn’t able to provide any answers, but recommended that I see an ophthalmologist for my “interesting” eye deviation (which doesn’t surprise me at all).
Do I want to buy a ticket for this ride? I’d better have a chat with Jerome first.
Circling the wagons
Sunday, July 17th, 2005Something hasn’t felt right about the situation with Bruce, especially after having to avert his precipitous transfer to an inferior convalescent facility. When the harsh economics of modern health care kick in, sanity seems to drain away rapidly. After an enlightening (and fortuitous) conversation with Audrey, it’s my firm opinion that he needs hospital-based rehabilitation with aggressive physical therapy, while preserving high-level continuity of care. My viewpoint hardened last night when his potassium level spiked dangerously and the nephrologist ordered emergency dialysis, personally wheeling his bed out of the room. Dana has been persistent in her role as protector, but I see signs of a deep weariness. I must say that Bruce’s wife Pam has come through admirably as a forceful advocate of common sense over the past few days. Way to go! Let’s get some mileage out of that personality, Toots…
A new concern
Tuesday, July 12th, 2005Dana and I made a Lexington run to do routine errands and get our eyes examined. The eye condition that I’ve had for some time was diagnosed as hyperphoria.
Family matters most
Monday, July 4th, 2005The nephrologist told Bruce that his kidney has a shrinking cortex with diminished blood flow, so the call was made to discontinue the anti-rejection medication. This is heartbreaking news, and it means that Bruce faces an indefinite period of life on dialysis. This will undoubtedly slow his physical therapy, but he’s a determined fighter, as we’ve learned, and has faced down every setback so far. Dana and I are leaving now for Indianapolis to go see him with my brother Jerome, and then the three of us will head to St. Henry, Ohio to pay our respect to Mombo’s sister, our dear Aunt Alma, who passed away before her 99th birthday. I’ve been fortunate to have many outstanding role models in my life. Aunt Alma and her husband Clarence have been two of them. Gentle strength was her shining attribute, and Uncle Clarence is the finest example of sustained poise that I’ve ever witnessed.
(ps — Happy Birthday, Uncle Sam!)
A time of horror vs a shining moment of solidarity
Tuesday, June 28th, 2005Dana and I took time tonight to have a nice dinner at Two Roads Cafe in Danville, sharing a Cabernet from my favorite Washington State winery, Chateau Ste Michelle. I remember first learning of it during a riverboat cruise we attended for the wedding rehearsal dinner of a former Centre intern. It wasn’t long after September 11 and I was wearing my flag lapel pin, which attracted a New Yorker who was present. He expressed his thanks to me for the show of support (yes, he took my gesture as personally significant to him—you have to recall the mood of the times), and we enjoyed each other’s friendship as he kindly introduced me to a family of reliably fine wines before we said our farewells later that evening.
When I think back to experiences like that, I wish that it was easier for us humans to discern the core essentials of life at times other than peril, tragedy, or loss…
Baggin’ dee bunny gold
Friday, June 24th, 2005Since I’m trying to bolster a few spots in my yard with some quality organic fertilizer, I asked James about his stockpile of “bunny gold” under the rabbit pens. It made me think of when we were kids, and Mr. Wagner was shocked that we hadn’t jumped on the opportunity to earn pocket change by filling empty feed bags with manure at 50 cents a pop. As James aptly sums it up: “We just weren’t money driven, and not much has changed since then.”
Runnin’ back to Saskatoon (I mean Indianapolis)
Monday, June 13th, 2005About ready to hit the road one more time, and I wish I could see Bruce without having to go into that hospital environment again. If I’ve had enough of that place, I can only imagine what my son is going through, now that he’s been there for over twelve weeks. The idea that it could be another twelve (according to one of his docs) is too much to process right now. But here’s something encouraging that I learned from Uncle Bob this past weekend: His before-the-England-trip stress test results were very good. So that means if we eat smart, don’t smoke and get regular exercise, we can overcome our family history of predisposition to cardio-vascular disease. That’s a message not just to me, but to my whole Clan!
Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry
Sunday, June 12th, 2005After seeing my fitness chum from Japan (Yu Saito of Denyo) for the first time in over three years, at the old cabin where we meditate, we spent the afternoon on campus, soaking up more world-class music at the Festival. I did another study with the Karat medium and then got a satisfying close-up shot of soloist Vizzutti. On the other hand, it was hard for both of us to comprehend why we could be having such a wonderful time while Bruce was still going through his extended ordeal… and then we found out that he needs emergency surgery tomorrow. We’ll leave in the morning to be there.
Another day, another dilemma
Monday, May 30th, 2005Mombo seemed surprised to see me shooting with the digital camera at Eagle Nest. I suppose she’s gotten used to that 33-year-old Nikkormat FTn in front of my face. I enjoy the immediacy of digital, but haven’t shaken the nagging discomfort of feeling myself slip away from negative film. Polish cinematographer Janusz Kaminski (longtime Spielberg collaborator finishing up “War of the Worlds”) has his own more influential misgivings. He worries about “our ability to preserve history photographically,” and about “creating people who accept visually inferior images as the norm.” For me the economics are forcing a reluctant shift, so I should heed his concerns, maintaining a bank of quality images and making sure they outlive me. If “digital is degrading our aesthetics,” as Kaminski fears, there’s nothing I can do about it. I think it was already happening long before this particular development (probably began with the decline of the Arts & Crafts movement). However, I can refuse to give up my desire to document my family in a way that perhaps no one else in my generation is suited to achieve.
The real “must see” TV
Monday, May 9th, 2005There are instances when I watch Public Television and wonder why I’ve subjected myself to such unbearable realities, while simultaneously being unable to imagine having spent the time doing anything more important. With “Memory of the Camps,” tonight was indeed one of those instances.
This one’s on the Haus
Thursday, April 28th, 2005Precisely three years ago, Marty and I spent much of our day documenting and dismantling my 50th birthday “Haus of Cards” retrospective exhibition. At the time I thought it might be the high point of my card-making activity, and I was probably right. After a peak of 309 hand-made cards in 1999, I created 166 in both 2000 and 2001, bumped it back up to 189 the year of my Danville show, but saw the total fall to 105 by the close of 2004. So far this year I’ve made 22, a far cry from those productive years, when I might top 50 or 60 cards by Brendan’s birthday.
Oldenday V
Monday, April 18th, 2005I regret that I didn’t pursue animation. Yeah, I know, it’s not fashionable to have regrets. I suppose there are self-actualized individuals who’ve genuinely reached the point of “no regrets,” but I reckon that with most people who purport to have no regrets, the claim is wishful horseshit. You have regrets when you fail to go after a skill or livelihood that necessitates beginning when you’re still young. For me it’s sailing, horseback riding, martial arts, and animation. Don’t get me wrong; it’s never too late to start doing anything you’re passionate about, but you have to face the fact that there are certain things that require a lifetime to get good at. Now I admit it’s true that Yukio Mishima didn’t start to train in the martial arts until he was 40, and still became a kendo adept, but he also flipped out and disemboweled himself in public, so I don’t think I’ll suggest him as a role model. There have been rare exceptions among artists (like Grandma Moses? Who else?), but the fact is I made choices that removed me from the world of animation, even though I’d art-directed a corporate animation for Rand-McNally at the age of 24 and had come to the attention of Chicago’s top animator. It’s not complicated—I out-smarted myself and stopped animating, just like Dadbo decided to become an engineer instead of pursuing veterinary medicine. Regrets don’t have to be debilitating, but most likely there will be something you’ll abandon and wish later you hadn’t. Just make sure it isn’t one of the “big things.” Never turn away from your true passions. So… I can’t sail, cycling is the closest I get to real riding, I’m still an Aikido white belt, and I’ve learned to live without animation, even though I still dream of having gotten rather good at it. I contemplate taking the time to study Tex Avery, Jay Ward, the TerryToons, and all the classic cartoon arts or immerse myself in the works of Jordan Belson, Saul Bass, or Hayao Miyazaki. Fortunately I still hold on to my greatest touchstone. I continue to draw with my own hand…
Two Clansmen in harm’s way
Monday, March 21st, 2005Fully absorbed most of the day in the Salvation Army Advisory Board retreat— new member orientation, committee meetings, and strategic planning. When I got home I found out that Bruce has an inflamed pancreas and continues to be critically ill. Dana and daughter Terie (Marty’s mom) will head back to Indy in the morning. Somehow I’ll force myself to concentrate on client commitments and hold the fort in the studio while keeping our son in my thoughts and prayers.
Meanwhile, news arrives that nephew Josh has lost a brother in arms on an escort mission…
Now (tough) vs later (really tough)
Friday, March 18th, 2005I saw part of an interview with
Dennis Quaid. The other person, referring to scenes from a recent movie, remarked that he was in great physical shape for his age. Now, let’s put aside the fact that a Hollywood star can devote months of preparation before going in front of a camera, including personal trainers, nutritional advisors, plus hours a day in the gym leading up to a shooting schedule. Nevertheless, Quaid said something in response which was pretty powerful: “I got fit in my twenties and I never really let myself get out of shape.”
Important note to young people of either gender: It’s much easier to maintain youthful fitness than to rebuild it later in life after its been lost. Even if you haven’t been an athlete, it’s much easier to get in shape in your twenties and work to preserve it, versus putting it off until later, when you inevitably begin to dislike how your body is aging.
This may sound like a lecture, but uncles are allowed to instruct now and then, especially when it’s based on direct experience. Trust me, everybody over the age of 40 wants to be in good shape. It’s just a matter of whether you have a 20-year momentum to work with, or whether you have to start basically from scratch.
Smile when you say that
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005I like teeth. Teeth are good. Everybody needs teeth.
That’s right. A wake-up-and-smell-the-mouthwash moment at the dentist this morning. Flashing back to what Brendan said last year about his Dad—
05.24.2004 — 22:47 hrs (This is pretty gross.)
I like floss. Floss is good. Everybody needs floss.
Everything almost works
Saturday, February 19th, 2005The Bluegrass Pike Gang was back at it again this morning. The sky is
now light when we start running. John H asked me how my spinning class
with Susan L was going and I told him it was getting a bit easier. Donna
A smiled and added that it all depended on how far you turned the knob on the stationary bike. “I just do what she tells me to do,” was my reply. John looked at me and
said, “Sounds like marriage.”
I maintained my pace over eight miles, but I could tell that I’d missed
my recent lap swims, thanks to the stubborn computer problems we’ve been
having. I’ve been convinced I should adopt a new motto: “Technology
sucks.” But then I realized that what actually sucks is our propensity
to become so dependent on technology that we’re thrust to the edge of
panic when it breaks down. And that’s where Bob Dixon’s more dignified
and appropriate motto applies: “Everything almost works.”
Yes, I got desperate enough to call Bob. He did his best to calm me down
and get me back on a problem-solving track. Together we uncovered enough
information to re-establish a functional Macintosh, but the true source
of the temporary limbo state is still unknown and I’m back to the
difficulties that bogged us down in the studio all week. At the end of
our last conversation before bedtime (for a night’s rest that almost
didn’t happen), he shared another computing maxim having to do with troubleshooting, “Everything you learned by solving the current problem
you’ll never use again.” Perhaps so. But I took away at least one
valuable thing from the experience. Being able to rely on family is a
genuine blessing, and my Uncle Bob always has and always will be a fine
and helpful man.
Morning road musings
Saturday, February 5th, 2005I was back out on Bluegrass Pike again as Dawn spread her rose-tipped fingers. Although I’m not as far along on my mileage as I expected to be by early February, there’s still enough time to prepare for the Kentucky Derby Festival Mini-Marathon. Nevertheless, I won’t enter the race unless I believe I can break my goal of two hours. To be honest, this may not be the year to try. Running seems to be the weak link in my tri-sport training so far this year, but that can be corrected, especially if the weather improves. On mornings like this I think of 101 ways to spend my weekend, and then I begin the process of weeding it down to reality.