Archive for the ‘Prayer’ Category
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
I think it might be a good idea to share—in its original format—my sweet wife’s most recent note about Bruce.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Dear friends and family,
It’s been nearly two months since I’ve given an update, but now Bruce is showing marked improvement. Today completes seven months in the hospital. At seven weeks, that seemed a long time, but I had no idea what we were facing.
In recent months, it’s been difficult to report because he’s teetered back and forth while battling infection. He would have good days followed by days of fever and nausea. It was hard think he was getting better when I’d see him get pints of hemoglobin, but he fought on.
About the time the infectious disease specialist was ready to throw up his hands in defeat, the surgeons declared that they didn’t want to set him back with another surgery, that they would stay the course. That was almost a month ago.
Since then, they decided to test out the pancreas by giving him juice. The next day, he was told to pick out what he wanted off the menu. This seemed outlandish to me, since he’d had nothing but ice chips for more than 6 months. His stomach and taste buds must have been in shock. He doesn’t actually digest what he consumes due to bypass tubing, but I would have thought a return to food would be more gradual. He is going easy on it since his basic nutrition is still provided by tube feeding. He still has frequent nausea, but the pancreas and blood sugar are not over-reacting to this new challenge.
He’s been off antibiotics for several days, and no fever so far. The pain is getting better, so he’s being weaned off the “patch,” and he’s asking for Dilaudid less often. His voice is now strong, and he is using a walker twice a day. His ability to concentrate is suddenly much improved.
I expect that he will go home soon, although having to travel for dialysis will be a whole new challenge. With the hospital bill alone over $8 million by last month, everyone’s eager for him to go home. Very few people, whatever their station in life, could handle the co-pay on such an amount.
Recently we were told that the survival rate for someone with pancreatitis this severe is about 1%—an eye-opening statistic if accurate. I tell you this so that you’ll know how vital your kindnesses to us have been. We will be eternally grateful for your understanding and support and for your thoughts and prayers on Bruce’s behalf.
With a grateful heart,
Dana
Posted in Dana, Family, Gratitude, Prayer | Comments Closed
Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
Perhaps this private torture chamber of uncertainty in which I currently dwell—what I hope soon to call my studio again—is meant to be a mere taste of of what Bruce has inhabited for so many months.
God doesn’t work in just mysterious ways. He surely invented the bizarre as well.
Have mercy…
Posted in Angst, Family, Prayer, Studio | Comments Closed
Sunday, August 7th, 2005
After yesterday’s race, I had lunch with David in Lexington and hit the gun show, where we bought supplies for our deer ammo project and I bought a soft case for my Marlin. Dana and I made a connection, drove to Indy, and visited with Bruce until late. Today he mostly wanted to sleep, so we headed to Ohio. I read the conclusion of “The Sparrow” aloud, and the two of us discussed its themes for quite a while. When we got to Sydne’s marriage celebration in Bellbrook, it was a surprise to see her in a wheelchair She’d almost lost a big toe in a freak picture-hanging accident (that’s our Sydne!).
At the reception I struck up a conversation with a local couple, and found it hard to believe that they were of the World War II generation, since they looked younger than that. After about an hour, Ruth got Barney to open up a bit and I found out that he was personally decorated by President Truman. He’d been wounded three times—once by a sniper—and had successfully stormed a Japanese pillbox with a flame-thrower before being captured and sent to a POW camp on the Malay Peninsula, where he’d been tortured for information. I could see that his fingers were permanently disabled. I felt honored to have met him and he just averted his eyes when I expressed my appreciation for his service and the sacrifices he made. His attitude was made clear when he reminded me that he’d lost a lot of buddies and then told me this story: When he met Truman he said, “Mr. President, I don’t think I deserve this.” According to Barney, Truman replied. “I don’t give a damn what you think. Your commander says you deserve this.”
Before we left, Ruth said to me, “He’s been through a lot.”
Bruce… Barney… What have I ever been through?
Earlier in the day I’d read in the newspaper about a staff sergeant from Indiana who’d been injured in Iraq during the invasion and was now on his second tour, having just single-handedly taken out a suicide car bomber before his convoy could be harmed. He was recovering from shrapnel wounds to his face and head.
My Lord… may this nation continue to deserve such men.
(Josh is due to arrive home today for his two-week leave.)
Posted in Current Events, Dana, Family, Fiction, Firearms, Friends, Gratitude, History, Prayer, Presidency | Comments Closed
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
This is the day that Bruce
ends a 130-day hospitalization and goes to ManorCare, his rehab center (inspected and endorsed by both Pam and Dana).
He fought hard for this milestone. I hope and pray that his steady improvement begins immediately.
Posted in Dana, Family, Prayer, Time | Comments Closed
Thursday, July 7th, 2005
— If we need another grim reminder that the world is at war, this story makes it clear that we’re all potentially in harm’s way—especially when we leave the homeland—as Joan, Aunt Carol, and Uncle Bob are planning to do this weekend. Manolo, get out your Blessing Engine. Meanwhile, the rest of us will pray—hard.
— Speaking of Bobs, I’ve known a few in my life. A Bob is never wishy-washy, but invariably an exceptional guy (occasionally you’ll encounter one who is distinctly uncool), and always makes an impression. This Bob is one of my favorites, and so I’ll do my part to extend his 15 minutes of fame.
— At Aunt Alma’s funeral I talked to cousin Don (accomplished musician and former CEO of Rolodex), and, without any prompting from me, he declared Centre professor Vince DiMartino as the greatest living Jazz trumpet virtuoso. Hmm… At the Brass Band Festival, Vince gave the honor to his friend Allen Vizzutti. Anyway, here’s a montage I made from shots I took during the Festival, so you can see the world’s finest trumpet player in action, whichever one he is!
V & S
Posted in Brendan, Current Events, Family, Food, Friends, Music, Personalities, Prayer | Comments Closed
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
After a visit with Bruce, we headed northeast to Celina, Ohio, watching fireworks erupt 360 degrees into the night sky on our way out of greater Indianapolis. This morning we gathered with family in St. Henry for the funeral of Aunt Alma. Mombo gave a reading and was determined to get through it—for her sister—and she did. We viewed the extraordinary Munich-style stained glass windows at St. Bernard’s in Burkettsville and then made the short trip to Maria Stein to pray at the Shrine of the Holy Relics. There’s only one or two other chapels like it in this part of the world, and it’s so unusual that I have no idea how to describe it. In fact, it will take me some time to assimilate the experience, and the way it sent tremors through my spiritual, philosophical, and historical sensibilities…
Posted in Family, History, Mombo, Prayer | Comments Closed
Sunday, June 26th, 2005
— Richard Benedetto’s recent column rests on that blurry line between news reporting and opinion, but it’s nevertheless a thought-provoking read. It’s title, “Turning old enemies into friends has long benefited the U.S.” makes me think about the other side of the coin: “Turning old enemies’ enemies into new enemies has long been the role of the U.S.” That’s the part of this issue most would agree on. And with the way things are, that’s probably the only part.
— The enormous virus/spam wave that’s going on right now is a huge problem. That’s why I get such a kick out of finding a sparkle of joy in the whole mess: Spam as Folk Art—the only silver lining out there. Last week my email service had 1.6 million mails hit their machines. Some 500,000 were rejected as viruses, and a bit over 800,000 rejected as spam, leaving some 200,000 or so to be delivered as legitimate mail (hopefully), but some crap does get through. I feel for all the “good guys” trying hard to stay on the back of this tiger. Somewhere out there is a young vigilante looking for his cause. A suggestion: 1) round up every spammer and virus writer, 2) make them swallow an overdose of viagra while getting an enema bag of liquified mortgage applications on the other end. (Uh-oh… I told Brendan’s mom that this would be a mom-friendly blog).
— Just in case you notice half a grand of spare cash sitting on your dresser top, and you don’t particularly care for shooting real handguns, add a Han Solo Blaster to your cart (or, for the more civilized, a nifty lightsaber).
— OK, it’s time to be serious. Good news from Bruce
personally; they talked to him about his eventual transfer to a rehabilitation center, which is a clear sign that his medical situation is improving in a positive and predictable way. See that light at the end of the tunnel, my son? I pray you’re there in no time!
— Best wishes to my brother Jay and his bride Glenda, who got hitched in Liberty this morning among a large contingent of our Clan. God bless you both, and may all our dreams meet to expand His glory.
V & S
Posted in Blogging, Brendan, Current Events, Family, History, Movies, Prayer | Comments Closed
Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
As he bears down on 14 weeks in the Clarian system, Bruce is starting to get some physical therapy again, but it’s been a rough climb back out of the abyss since his setback over the Memorial Day weekend. Yesterday he was able to get on his feet for the first time in three or four weeks (I lost count), and that should help his mood, because he faces having to redo all the muscular progress he made during the month of May. Apparently the nephrologist told him it’s unlikely that his transplanted organ will wake up this time, but the specialists were wrong in April, so why not stay hopeful and keep praying? That kidney has been through a lot, it’s true, and Jerome was astonished when it kicked in the last time, declaring it a “medical miracle.” I wonder— what’s “Doc” thinking now? The situation isn’t any easier with people around Bruce dumping their personal problems on him instead of protecting the fragile alchemy of his vision for healing. He doesn’t need the added burden of worrying about extraneous ineptitude and financial disarray (and that should go without saying, but I said it).
Posted in Family, Prayer | Comments Closed
Saturday, May 28th, 2005
— Marty finally convinced me to watch “Collateral.” Mann outdoes himself in this one. I won’t be the one to explain why it isn’t a flawless picture. If you haven’t seen it, I dare not give anything away. If you have, need I say more?
— Seth and I confirmed our desire to recut “Pirate Revenge,” and now I just have to schedule a block of time. He has access to the editing suite this summer, so it will be essential to have a new version before our Ohio gathering around Labor Day. If we hit the mark anywhere near my original visualization, minds will be most certainly blown.
— James encouraged me to spend time with Marty in the knobs, learning the terrain together and sleeping under the oaks. I own that land. What prevents me from claiming stewardship?
— Bruce undergoes a major surgical procedure tomorrow. I believe it will be the final turning point in his successful recovery. This is something that the providers would preferred to have have done much sooner, had he been strong enough to handle the general anesthesia, so I view it as an important step forward, rather than a setback. He’s ready for it, and it will lay to rest this stubborn condition in his internal core. May the mercy of Divine Law govern every aspect of the operation, guide every thought, and each skilled hand, to fulfill the promise of his unfolding destiny and the ultimate potential of his Christ wholeness.
V & S
Posted in Family, Marty, Movies, Nature, Pirates, Prayer | Comments Closed
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
The word “miracle” keeps coming up in my conversations with others
about Bruce, and appropriately so, but I can’t help but think that such
profound intersections of the physical and the divine may not be as
extraordinary as we often believe, nor as rare as the term implies.
Perhaps they’re just the proving of the Universal Law, and are meant to be
the rule, rather than the exception. Haven’t the sages, prophets, and
Christed Ones told us as much since the beginning of recorded time?
And yet it appears that I only participate fully in this
“creative equation” when traumatic circumstances shatter my
daily mode.
Tonight I was part of The Salvation Army’s annual appreciation
dinner and had the opportunity to hear a talk by Commissioner Fred
Ruth, who recently retired as the organization‘s representative to the
United Nations. From New York to London to Eastern Europe to
Russia to Indonesia to New Guinea to North Korea, this dedicated
officer has literally served around the globe and witnessed countless
examples of the Light of God intervening on behalf of those in need,
but only when an individual’s heart, head, and hand are in the right place
at the right time with the right intent, positioning oneself in service
to His eternal Law.
Miracle? Until we come up with a better term—and it’s time we do—the word will have to suffice.
Posted in Community, Creativity, Family, Personalities, Prayer | Comments Closed
Monday, April 25th, 2005
“Every noble work is at first impossible.” —Carlyle
His transplanted kidney declared a loss, Bruce nevertheless takes up the fight.
“An enterprise, when fairly once begun, should not be left till all that ought is won.” —Shakespeare
Branches of prayer extend as the roots of the faithful deepen.
“A good intention clothes itself with power.” —Emerson
Thirty-eight days later, when renal function is restored, doctors are heard to use the word “miracle.”
“The divine insanity of noble minds, that never falters nor abates, but labors, endures, and waits, till all that it foresees it finds, or what cannot find, creates.” —Longfellow
And to top it all off, a lost hat is restored!
Posted in Community, Family, Friends, Personalities, Prayer, Time, Verse | Comments Closed
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
Anybody who reads this will be pleased to know that Bruce has improved to the point of getting out of the ICU. Over the past five weeks he’s battled back from the edge of the void with the benefit of advanced treatment and lots of love, positive thoughts, and prayerful intent from an amazingly huge network of well-wishers.
Our studio clients have stood by us with compassionate understanding during a very difficult period. We’ve been in business long enough to know the kind of customers that many companies have to deal with. By contrast, Dana and I are fortunate enough to serve a group of people that happen to be exceptional human beings. In the competitive marketplace, that’s a true blessing.
Family has made the difference in so many ways. In these times, the word “Family” is defined in various ways. For me, it comes down to “crunch times” like this. However you choose to compose it, if it doesn’t pull together in support to get you through this kind of a challenge, then it isn’t really a family after all.
We’re getting ready to go to Indianapolis again to be with Bruce, along with my sister Joan (Brendan’s Mom! That’s why my name is Uncle John!). I don’t think the full impact of relief will strike me until I see him in his own room, minus all the medical paraphernalia that was necessary to provide the fighting chance that he employed with such stoutheartedness.
Bravissimo!
Posted in Awe, Brendan, Business, Dana, Family, Prayer, Studio | Comments Closed
Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
My wife Dana and I want to thank each of you—individually, in person, if we could—for your many messages of support. For now, please know that they are much appreciated.
Bruce was able to sit up and talk on Friday, but seemed tired on Saturday. Since we’d arrived in Indianapolis the previous Saturday with clothes for only two days, we needed to get home. We got back to Danville late Saturday, but didn’t get much sleep that night.
Since we hadn’t seen Marty during his spring break, we took him out for dinner on Sunday. During the meal we got the call that Bruce was failing (high temperature, growing infection, pneumonia out of control). We packed up and headed back to Indy. The message we’d received was so alarming that Marty and his mom Terie came with us, despite the fact that school would be back in session on Monday. This time we grabbed our dog, too.
Bruce was stable by the time we arrived, back on a ventilator, but blood pressure and pulse were erratic. By early afternoon, he was resting fairly well and went into surgery to remove a temporary stint (a possible source of the continuing infection) that is used for dialysis, and replace it with a different type. A permanent fistula was considered, but it was decided that he’s too ill to go under anesthesia.
He was sleeping comfortably last night with better vital signs. He’s still under heavy sedation, but he does react to his mother’s voice and can respond to questions with a slight nod. He’s receiving nutrition through a nose tube that goes directly into the small intestine, bypassing the stomach and pancreas. His nurse told Dana that patients with pancreatitis this severe sometimes remain in the ICU three months or more and in the hospital for months longer–a true test of endurance. Regular drives back and forth to Indiana will seem easy by comparison. On Sunday I got to talk to a friend who reminded me that a local acquaintance spent six months in the hospital with pancreatitis, and that it was two years before he was totally his old self. Bruce has the will to undergo a long recuperation if his situation can just stabilize, but I honestly don’t know if his mate has the stamina for what lies ahead.
It is at times like this that Dana and I are reminded how much we value our family (powerful, quiet support) and our friends (an amazing outpouring of affection).
We’re truly grateful for the positive thoughts and prayers. We’ll need them for some time to come…
(Dana helped with this entry.)
Posted in Dana, Family, Friends, Gratitude, Home, Marty, Prayer, Time | Comments Closed
Monday, April 11th, 2005
As we hold our vigil, I’m reminding myself of some hilarious things Bruce said during his interlude off the ventilator.
Paraphrasing… “I was in The Wild Wild West and fighting James West and he took all my money. I was running a railroad and there was the train and everything, but throughout it all I was this huge buffalo. I knew it wasn’t happening, but it was layered over this reality. Then my Dad came to visit me, and I was talking to him, but I was still a huge buffalo… John, I could never begin to catalog all the strange dreams and images, but I can tell you that I definitely gave birth to a ferret.”
As his wife Pam said, “I want some of whatever he was on.”
– – –
p s ~ Happy Birthday, Dana. I pray that you get your wish.
Posted in Birthdays, Dana, Family, Prayer, Television | Comments Closed
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
March goes out
like a lamb (he pronounces too smugly).
What a glorious day to walk to campus and swim my first laps since making the decision to switch from the Wellness Center pool. I saw a friend on the way, so we chatted, although I should correct myself and point out that a conversation with Danny can hardly be called a “chat.” In 10 to 15 minutes we touched on Bruce’s ordeal, prayer, grace, the soul, despair, suicide, Socrates, Hunter S. Thompson, Hemingway, St John of the Cross, the death of Terri Schiavo, eternity, Thomas à Kempis, and the origins of monastic life. There’s never been time for “small talk” when Danny and I see each other, which isn’t often enough. When I got to Centre the water temperature and chlorine level were just right. The sun was pouring through the skylights. Even the shower-head couldn’t have been in more satisfactory adjustment. When I tested the speed of my freestyle stroke, I matched my personal-best, single-lap sprint time. Perfection.
Posted in Death, Exercise, Friends, Personalities, Prayer, Time | Comments Closed
Thursday, March 24th, 2005
— Now that the corner has been turned, and Bruce’s life has been preserved, he faces a difficult future, short- and long-term. A tough row to hoe, as they say. Today it appears as though the doc has given up on salvaging his transplanted kidney—too little function, too much chronic deterioration. This means more dialysis, a process which Bruce grew to loath, and will surely dread to accept back into his life on any regular basis. It may be several more hours before his awareness clears enough for him to evaluate his choices (or lack thereof). He’s being moved from intensive care to progressive care, and taken off anti-rejection drugs, narcotics, steroids, and sedatives, plus he’ll be down to a single tube—oxygen. One of the reasons they doped him is because he became combative and ripped out the nasal/gastric tube at least twice (as I might have, too, had I been in his situation). Or maybe I have that backwards (side effects of medication causing aggressive behavior and colorful use of language). In any case, the outlook is encouraging, but I’ll keep up my prayers. It’s likely that there will be more bumps in the road…
— If I came up with an idea for a new method of capital punishment—slow death by starvation—would it be declared cruel and unusual? If authorities came into your home and discovered all the pets were dead, would they say, “…within his rights—slow death by starvation.”? Sorry, just thinking rhetorically here. (Did I do the punctuation correctly on that?) “…I can’t imagine why, the world has time enough to cry.”
— As an avid watcher of Brian Lamb’s “Booknotes,” I was disappointed when he wrapped the 800-show series on C-SPAN. Listening to writers talk about writing makes me want to write. Listening to politicians talk about politics doesn’t make me want to run for office. Listening to artists talk about art definitely makes me want to make art. Now the only other good interview show with the classic all-black set is Charlie Rose. I think Rose is at his best when he’s talking to artists. Not that he doesn’t demonstrate the same level of skill when interviewing journalists and politicians, but I guess he tends to insert more opinions that sometimes irritate me. His recent conversation with Daniel Day-Lewis and his astonishingly brilliant and beautiful wife, Rebecca Miller (daughter of the late Arthur Miller), was just about as good as television ever gets. How in the world does he get these creative people to relax and describe the inexpressible aspects of their talent and craft? His style is totally different than Lamb’s, but they both make it look so easy. Not the performance (if that’s what you can call it), but the technique of coaxing the guest to say things that are genuinely interesting. I made the mistake of watching a perfunctory interview with Clint Eastwood, leading up to the Oscars, and the interviewer managed to avoid steering him to a single topic that was remotely enlightening… quite a feat, actually.
Posted in Art, Creativity, Current Events, Death, Family, Movies, Personalities, Pets, Political Affairs, Prayer, Television | Comments Closed
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
Bruce has experienced the medical turnaround that he needed. Somebody’s been praying out there, and you know who you are! His wife, mother, and sister have been at his side, with so many others close to him in spirit. Today’s news is so much better than it’s been since Monday. Although I’m sure it was nothing compared to Dana’s ordeal, yesterday was a rather exhausting day for me emotionally, and not made any better by someone who called to ask about Bruce, and then, when the subject turned to my nephew Josh’s situation, launched into a scathing denunciation of the President of the United States and his Iraq policy. Even if I’d had the inclination or energy to disagree (which I certainly did not), what could I possibly have said to affect an opinion impervious to what others have already stated so ably in support of winning the war… others more influential than me, such as John McCain or Joe Lieberman; or more intellectually gifted than me, such as Jonah Goldberg or Christopher Hitchens; or more deeply thoughtful than me, such as Tom Friedman or Ben Stein? And for cryin’ out loud, it just wasn’t a decent time to kick-start that old debate.
Posted in Angst, Current Events, Dana, Family, Personalities, Political Affairs, Prayer, Presidency | Comments Closed
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
my son, and brother in Christ…
“Let not your heart be disturbed. Do not fear any sickness or anguish. Am I not here, who is your Mother? Are you not under my protection? Am I not your health? Are you not happily within my fold? What else do you wish? Do not grieve nor be disturbed by anything…” —Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego
“Thou seest, O my Lord, Thy suppliant waiting at the door of Thy bounty, and him who hath set his hopes on Thee clinging to the cord of Thy generosity. Deny him not, I beseech Thee, the things he seeketh from the ocean of Thy grace and the Daystar of Thy loving-kindness…” —Bahá’u’lláh
“O, Mother, in thy Heart, I come to bury my anguish and to seek strength and courage. O, Mother, may my heart be hidden in thine and have no other love but the good pleasure of my Divine Master…” —Saint Bernadette
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgiveth all thine iniquities, who healeth all thy diseases, who redeemeth thy life from destruction, who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies…” —Psalms 103:1-4
“I AM the Flame of Resurrection blazing God’s pure Light through me. Now I AM raising every atom, from every shadow I AM free. I AM the Light of God’s full Presence, I AM living ever free. Now the flame of Life eternal rises up to Victory.” —El Morya
Posted in Prayer, Saints | Comments Closed
Friday, January 21st, 2005
— I’ve gotten a week into this experiment and have yet to properly thank Brendan, my undaunted sponsor and kind host. So far so good. I managed to solve most of the anomalies I was experiencing by updating the firmware on our Netgear firewall/router. Although I began my first private journal in 1971 and have maintained regular entries for the past 20 years or so, this online record of thoughts is a new and stimulating venture. In time I’ll gain a better sense of how its public nature affects the tone and quality of my postings.
— Last weekend our family gathered at Kelley Ridge for a mighty demonstration of Clan-Power to achieve as much physical transformation as possible. Uncle James mused that it was the kind of event that could inspire Clan legend. With the bitter wind knifing through us as we split and stacked firewood at the edge of the ridge, Seth replied, “You won’t ever hear me talking about this day.”
— There hasn’t been much of a downside to my accepting an invitation to join the Rotary Club ten years ago, but I am beginning to notice something. One of the serious drawbacks to building relationships of affection with a bunch of great old guys pushing 80 is to witness their failing health. What have I gotten myself into?
— As true as it is that there’s no greater love than to lay down one’s life for another, I want Josh to accomplish in Iraq what he was trained to do and then safely return to his family. That is my simple prayer. I’m not precisely sure what he was trained to do, but I know that living and working each day in harm’s way is a given. I’m reminded of the closing line in The Bridges at Toko-Ri, “Where do we get such men?” The answer to that question is the same with every generation, and, as far as I’m concerned, no poet has described this vital breed more eloquently than Katharine Lee Bates when she wrote, “Oh beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife, who more than self their country loved and mercy more than life!”
Posted in Angst, Blogging, Brendan, Community, Family, James, Prayer, Verse | Comments Closed
