Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Confessions of a “philistine” in recovery

Friday, June 9th, 2006

Our friend Gruntled has a couple recent posts about one of my favorite movies of the year. Back in January, after I saw “The Squid and the Whale,” I made a personal pledge to avail myself of the great novels. I recently watched a lecture Tom Wolfe gave at Duke on my birthday (indispensable C-SPAN!), and his comments reinforced my conviction. As it turns out, I was already chest deep in Ralph Ellison’s “Invisible Man.” I finished it last night. The towering, soul-rattling masterpiece has shattered any vestigial reluctance I had for embracing major American fictional works.

Now I find myself dealing with a new state of indecision— What next?

“The mind that has conceived a plan of living must never lose sight of the chaos against which that pattern was conceived. That goes for societies as well as for individuals.”

— from Invisible Man

Strike up the Rand

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006

I made mention last month that we’d watched “Out of Africa,” but didn’t say that it was primarily to conduct thematic research in preparation for this coming Saturday night. I admit it. I love The Great American Brass Band Festival. We moved to Kentucky the summer it began, and June in Danville has always been about the Festival for us. Nevertheless, I’m not a big fan of trying to orchestrate a picnic table concept, as much as I thrill to the atmosphere on Saturday night. There’s nothing like being close to the stage during what’s clearly the high point of the weekend, but all the preparations and distractions of making the table into a spectacle has never seemed to be worth the bother. Having said that, I can report that Dana has me completely caught up in getting ready for our African repast, including designing graphics for the table sign, and I’m starting to get excited about how it’s coming together. We’re sharing our table with David and Lee and their guests from Durban, South Africa. The competitive juices are pumping. Look out. I’m gonna kick down every other table like Jesus on a bad day!

The day flew by

Saturday, June 3rd, 2006

I went to Lexington this morning with my buddy Jim M and took part in a public forum by regional planners on the subject of walking and cycling. We learned a lot that will help us as we continue to organize at the local level. The best part was getting to meet a knowledgeable guy from the National Center for Bicycling & Walking. When I got home I spent the afternoon finishing a wedding present for our friend Donna and her groom named Joe. We got to meet him this evening at their post-honeymoon reception, held in the Great Hall of the Community Arts Center. The name I gave my gift artwork was “Cosmorama with Nautilus Shell,” the fifth in a collage series I started in 2003.

Various & Sundry, part thirty-nine

Thursday, June 1st, 2006

— Month of May workout totals: Swim-2; Bike-5; Run-5; Lift-5; Yoga-9

— The Graybeard Prospector and his Medicine Woman ventured back into the administrative sanctum of the local health care system earlier this morning, making their forceful case for a revivified working relationship.

— I traveled to Louisville today with my colleague Paul to approve the press settings for the Great American Brass Band Festival poster. He came along as the featured artist, and I wanted to make sure he was satisfied with the reproduction of his painting, “Brassy Razzmatazz.” We’ve known and admired each other for a number of years, but it’s another level of personal rapport when you get to spend three to four hours talking together during a car trip. The wildest part took place on the way back, when we were caught in a severe electrical hail storm. Visibility dropped to virtually zero when maximum wiper speed failed to help, and it was all I could do to creep down the next exit ramp, praying to escape any danger. It was the worst weather I’ve ever negotiated behind the wheel, enough for two men to confess to a state of utter terror, after we’d struggled successfully to find a safe place to wait it out.

— Over the holiday, while Dana was visiting Bruce, I decided to dig out my copy of a movie I haven’t watched in a long time—“Nothing in Common.” I can report that I found it just as enjoyable as ever. Now that it’s been twenty years since it was made, the music and styles firmly peg it as an 80s period piece, but that only adds to its enduring charm. You don’t have to be a huge fan of Hanks (which I’m not) to be thoroughly entertained by this flick, which offers a full spectrum of moods and creative attributes. It’s hilarious, sexy, witty, insightful, thought-provoking, sad, and comforting. Flaws are there, if you want to pick at it, but it’s remarkably well-paced and so loaded with talent that you wonder why Hanks hasn’t done more ensemble pictures like this. The setting seems tailor-made for my individual pleasure. If you’ve never seen it, you’ve missed a real treat. Tom plays a 30-ish hot-shot creative director at a Chicago ad agency run by Hector Elizondo, but his up-and-coming career collides with a family crisis when his parents (Eva Marie Saint and Jackie Gleason) abruptly split. Saint’s characterization is delivered with absolute freshness and total believability. Reardless of what you might think of Gleason, “The Great One” will surely captivate anyone with this final performance, a masterful blend of comedy and tragedy, and a fitting swan song for the awesomely talented and complex personality. Now add to that a group of superb supporting players—Sela Ward, Barry Corbin, Bess Armstrong, John Kapelos, and Dan Castellaneta (who would go on to create the familiar voice of Homer Simpson). But make no mistake, the motion picture is anchored by the versatile Hanks at his most physically attractive juncture and by how he takes the viewer on an emotional journey under the able direction of Garry Marshall. When you combine this movie with “Big” and “Turner & Hooch,” it forms the pinnacle of the opening chapter in the astonishing tenure of a true Hollywood Star.

V & S

Yes, I’d name a few counties after him, too

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

When the alarm went off I could smell that the air (coming gently through the narrowly cracked window beside my head) was perfect for an early ride, and I met my chums at the bike shop before 7:30. It was just a bit nippy for May, but I was dressed appropriately, having poorly overcompensated on yesterday’s run. We completed 32 miles through Mercer County and back, and the only problem we had was blundering into a long stretch of chewed-off road surface near the Beaumont Inn.

Mombo is native to another beautiful county named Mercer, in Ohio. I got to thinking that I’ve never known anything about this Mercer namesake, so, since I’ve been thoroughly “Google-ized” over the past couple years, I checked it out. As usual, it didn’t take long to determine that both counties, like many in other states, including Pennsylvania and Illinois, were named after Dr. Hugh Mercer, Revolutionary War commander and physician who fled Scotland as a refugee after serving as an assistant surgeon at Culloden. He distinguished himself in America as a patriot, and, after Washington promoted him to Brigadier General, gave his life for his adopted homeland in 1777—

At the battle of Princeton, while leading the vanguard of the Americans, his horse was shot under him, and he was compelled to continue the contest on foot. He was surrounded by British officers, who ordered him to surrender. Drawing his sword, he was finally beaten to the ground with muskets and his body pierced with bayonet thrusts. With five wounds in his body and two in his head, he was left for dead on the field. He was carried to a neighboring house. When Washington heard of the fate of his old friend, he sent his nephew, Major Lewis, to watch over the final moments of the dying hero.

This was the price paid for my pleasant life… riding my bike like a carefree boy on a Sunday morning. This was the price paid by the countless souls who bought my freedom with their most precious coin—life itself.

Double Graduation, Good Vibrations

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

I wasn’t able to spend last night working on my two “Photorama” collages for the Clan graduates, since we spent the evening with the Simpsons watching “Out of Africa.” It forced me to complete the gifts today, but everything worked out fine. After an eight-mile morning run, I was able to focus on my intuitive sprint to the family deadline—an ideal circumstance for creating this particular type of artwork—as well as getting to savor one of the only flawless motion pictures made in the past 25 years.

25 years… that’s Brendan’s lifetime, and includes the lifetimes of all the Clan youngsters present at our celebration for Nicholas and Caitlan. And speaking of Brendan, I got to see him in action with his new camera, an impressive piece of equipment. As I shot with my vintage Nikkormat, I felt like a geezer driving around in a dusty old coupe. Ah well, at least I didn’t say, “No, sirree-Bob, they don’t make ’em like this anymore.”

It was fun to eat good Chinese food with Nic and Josh and Marty, too. Nic was having a great day, one that will last long in the memory bank. I wish my Godson well as he prepares to begin his studies in veterinary medicine. I really didn’t get to chat with Oxford-bound Caitlan, but, actually, I really didn’t get to talk to many of the others either, including my mom, but that didn’t stop me from simply absorbing the magnitude of the good family vibes, before it was all over much too quickly.

New guy in town

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006

My day had bookends by the name of Flint.

I was there at City Hall when he made his early streetscape presentation, and he was still going strong twelve hours later when he spoke to our task force about potential cycling enhancements.

By his own admission, he doesn’t know how to slow down and relax. He’s leaving home to catch a jet at 4:30 am tomorrow morning.

I’ve only known him a few weeks, but long enough to decide I like him, long enough for me to hope he quits smoking, long enough to imagine us working on good projects together.

Sometimes you meet an individual who you know you can learn from, and who you know can learn from you, and you can’t help but wonder how the story unfolds.

Various & Sundry, part thirty-seven

Monday, May 1st, 2006

— Month of April workout totals: Swim-4; Bike-6; Run-3; Lift-6; Yoga-7

— We stopped out at the park to watch some of Hayley’s varsity softball game, but she wasn’t having a very good night on the field or at the plate. Cliff and I talked about business. Dana and I needed to leave after a few innings, and Hayley’s team was winning, but it was my hope she’d have a much better j-v game.

— I had to do my utmost to tactfully resist the mushrooming of my Brass Band Festival involvement. It was necessary to remind others why donating creative time is worthwhile to our studio—an opportunity to represent our best ideas to the community. One shouldn’t need to explain that we volunteer for reasons that go beyond the goodness of our hearts, and that the mutual benefit doesn’t work if we end up executing production services for the featured artist.

— Seems like my old chum Scott V and I only touch base this time of year, during our shared birthday season, but nothing wrong with that. A life-long athlete, he’s recovering from disc surgery on his neck and is eager to be back to normal. His goal is to return to the ball diamond as soon as he can. In a month he plans to go fishing in Canada with his Dad and four of his brothers. Sounds like a great getaway—no phones, no TV, with just cold water in the cabins. Dadbo always talked about taking the Dixon brothers on a trip to the “North Woods,” but it never happened. I’m happy to learn Scott is getting to do it, although it makes me sad at the same time.

V & S

Various & Sundry, part thirty-six

Saturday, April 29th, 2006

— It was a small group of local runners this morning, due to the Derby Festival in Louisville. I’m sure most of them were competing in the 13.1-miler, but my pals Don and Larry were doing the full Marathon. Mort and I did ten miles at a comfortable enough pace to talk the whole time, covering a range of subjects from mentorship, aging, rail trails, grassroots activism, minority politics, and the separation of church and state, which was a great way to start a birthday. After I got home, Lee stopped by to present her gift—a copy of The Emerald Book, which she found in her grandmother’s attic. It’s troubling to think it wasn’t so long ago that third and fourth graders were reading the poems of Shakespeare, Stevenson, Kipling, Tennyson, Coleridge, Hawthorne, Riley, and Emerson. It also contains reproductions of works by painters like Hals and Carpaccio, with short lessons in art appreciation. What happened to the idea of children having the imaginative freedom to be kids while they simultaneously advance on a gradient apprenticeship to adult culture? Instead, we have a glut of twenty-something adolescents attempting to understand the roots of Western Thought by watching a Brad Pitt movie, as primary schoolers learn that “fuck” can be either a verb, noun, or interjection. Does anyone know how we let this happen?

— Although we had a good turnout at our banquet Thursday evening, most of our strong Centre College supporters were absent because, unfortunately, we were competing with the appearance of Helen Thomas as part of their Press Distinguished Lecture Series. Not surprisingly, the veteran White House correspondent directed her criticism at the president, suggesting he follow the advice given to LBJ during Viet Nam and “Declare a victory and leave”. Please pay closer attention, Helen—that’s what our enemies may already be in the process of doing. Jordanian Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, in a desperate attempt to impede the steady rise of Iraqi democracy, revealed his appearance in a recent propaganda video. In another tape, Egyptian Ayman al-Zawahri pleaded impotently with Muslims to oppose our Arab allies, and he declared that militants have “broken the back” of the U.S.-led effort. In the face of such frantic attempts on the part of Al-Qaida to remain relevant in Iraq, now is not the time to abandon the fledgling coalition government.

— Terie and Marty came over for either a late lunch or an early dinner—not sure which—with berry pie and ice cream (I don’t do cake on April 29th, thank you). Marty described his new pc game, Rome: Total War, and we watched a classic M:I episode, “The System” (we used to call it “Johnny Costa” back in the 60s) while Dana and Terie finished the tuna melts, keeping an eye on the NFL draft at the same time. I’d already received my gifts of a wristwatch and set of Koh-I-Noor Nexis art pens from Dana. Terie and Marty surprised me with a Serenity DVD. Well, maybe my home is not a hotbed of high culture, but who can find fault with a full day of pleasurable cooleosity?

— Ok, it’s 54. Happy Birthday to me.

V & S

Blood and Fire

Friday, April 28th, 2006

There are flaws in all events, and the time will come soon enough for our annual “post-mortem” evaluation, but overall, The Salvation Army Appreciation Dinner was a great success. I can’t describe the sense of relief and satisfaction that today brings, other than to state that those are the feelings dominating my mood. I sense perfect timing for the new cycle that arrives tomorrow—a cycle of change and new projects.

It was good to see my sister Jeanne at the dinner, representing the 10th Planet, one of the new “Business Partners in HOPE.” Cliff was torn between being there and attending Hayley’s Boyle-Danville softball matchup, and he decided to wear the Dad cap. That’s just fine—there will be more Salvation Army goings-on for the rest of our lives, but children have fleeting intervals that are quickly gone forever.

I missed my chance to personally invite Seth at Easter, but there he was with his mentor, Mr. Durham! A superb opportunity for him to learn more about the Army and solidify his sense of achievement in Liberty last Christmas season. I also heard the good news that he’ll be attending the Governor’s Scholars Program this summer.

David and Lee were there, plus all the great friends of the Army’s mission in our five-county area. Divisional Commander Major Howell was a fantastic guest speaker and his address was a tough act for me to follow, since, as Vice Chair of the Advisory Board, I was to give the closing remarks and prayer. The Spirit was right there to boost my delivery, and I did as well as I think I’ve ever done in front of a large group. I’d gone with my intuition when I developed my speech, but wasn’t entirely confident of its appropriateness until Major Howell spoke, and then I knew that everything dovetailed with precision. Divine design? Amazing…

KBBC retreat—day one

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006

I’d personally taken the lead on most of the preparations for the Bicycle Commission’s face-to-face meeting (venue, schedule, meals, recreation), but the one thing I can’t control is the weather. If we’d gotten rain today, my heart might’ve broken, but, fortunately, the dismal sky held its moisture during my planned 15-miler. It was quite cool for the season, but no wind. I thought the Mercer County landscape was pretty, even with the cloudy sky. The sun finally peeked out for a spell after everyone was back and packed up for dinner—a bit of salt in my wound—but I really can’t complain. The day has gone well, and I really like these people…

Another Big Five-Oh

Saturday, April 22nd, 2006

Today I was astonished when my spirits were boosted immeasurably by participating in the 50-mile “Running Saint” achievement of my friends Milton S and Jim M. I joined their run/walk pace for ten and half miles and then rode my mountain bike back out later in the day and added another nine miles on foot. I was so caught up in supporting their effort that I forgot about anything else. It brought back all of the perceptions of my own “50-on-50th” milestone.

All I can think to do is to publish my 2002 journal entry that describes it:

— — —

On Mother’s Day we took Mombo to the brass band concert at the bandstand in the courthouse park. It was nice— just like something that would’ve happened 50 years ago… or, more likely, 150 years ago. There are times when it’s a true joy to live small-town life to the fullest. It was a great day that started early. A few of us gathered to "share silence" at the cabin studio of my friend Mack, a surgeon, artist, sculptor, saxophonist, rock-fence builder, etc., etc. He’s just one of the superb people I’ve gotten to know since I’ve lived in Danville.

Now that I’m thinking of my good friends, I should proceed to bring this journal up to date concerning my landmark birthday run: Monday, 29 April 2002. How do I begin to tell the story of that day? So full of great experiences and memories of true friendship. More details in a moment… Let me first say that I was successful in meeting my self-challenge. I ran to the 50k mark (31 miles), and then I mostly walked to the end of my carefully planned 50-mile course. What a day to remember! 80.6 kilometers of forward momentum. The fulfillment of months of training, and one more isolated validation of Phil Maffetone’s fitness method

The Saturday before, the 27th, Dana threw a birthday celebration for me, held at the “Grayson’s Tavern” of Constitution Square Historic Site in Danville. Most of my fitness companions, plus Clan, and a few longtime friends were there, and it was a success, too. Meg H, a major inspiration to me with my collage work, was there with husband Bob H, who took the legendary Grandy-bo "Bibs Portrait." Deb S and Bob B even drove down beyond the "dark and bloody river" during a storm, as did others, including Darby H and Uncle Art. My mom was clearly happy to be with her brother, who had just gotten through a life-threatening crisis caused by a serious seizure. Heavy rain cut attendance at the afternoon “open house” exhibition of my hand-crafted greeting cards. By evening, conditions were dry and over 80 showed up for the party. Dana outdid herself with the many preparations. Great food (we used my “famous” salmon that was caught on 9-11-01), great music, great conversation, and a great spirit of human warmth.

Personally, it was a magical night for me, and I was totally numb to be the center of attention. Everybody seemed to get a kick out of my cards. Two beers all night, but I was happier than if I’d drunk a dozen. Blew out the candles on the cake, took a goofy bow, and the whole sweet thing was over much too fast. I was so overwhelmed by it all that I realized later I’d missed a rare "Uncle Clarence Moment" to thank everyone for coming. I’ll have to trust they saw the appreciation in my eyes. There were many who could not be there in person, but certainly in spirit.

After a Sunday of good-byes to out-of-towners, exhibit documentation, and final cleanup at the Tavern, I managed to drive my impending 50-mile course — as the sun was trading places with a full moon — to distribute some hidden water bottles and Gatorade. And then it was on to bed, but I didn’t sleep that well… too nervous about the day to come.

The next day, my actual birthday, was a unique day in my life, is difficult to explain, and, of course, there’s probably no logical way to justify what I did. I started out at 5:45 am and began to run my course (with a cell phone to keep Dana aware, so she could communicate with friends). Two running pals were there to start out with me. Jeff T the banker ran the first two miles, but had to return to prepare for his work day. When I got out to my sister Jeanne’s house, Clansman Cliff had only one word for me— “SURVIVE!” Joni M (track coach, lawyer’s wife, and mother of three running sons) headed back to town at that point, and I continued out into the country, where I met up with Sarah H (CPA, doctor’s wife, and another mother of three running sons) and Ernst C-W (generous advisor and proprietor of the local cycle shop). When we got to the Jackson farm, I ran Mack’s soggy cross-country trails and had a “pit stop” at the cabin… changed into dry shoes and socks. The air was still raw enough that I borrowed Ernst’s gloves to continue on my way.

I took a lunch-and-stretching break (at almost 20 miles) after I’d eventually looped back to the Town House. I had some of Dana’s therapeutic kudzu-ginger-plum soup. It was nothing short of astounding when she brought in the mail and I’d gotten a postcard from Japan, wishing me good luck and happy birthday! It was from Yu Saito, my running companion throughout 2001, who had taken his family home in early March. She said, “the cosmos is in alignment,” and it gave me a great burst of optimistic enthusiasm. I just love these synchronicities of life…

And then I took off again, running north to the little town of Burgin, near historic Shaker country. The weather was pleasantly cool now, so I was comfortable in a short-sleeve shirt. The sky was gorgeous with puffy white clouds, and the familiar cattle and horse farms were the emerald green of Kentucky springtime. More friends came out to support me. Dick B (local running guru and a “50-on-50th” veteran), ran most of our traditional 10k route with me and I finished my 50k with strength. After a short rest I began again, with 50 total miles as my new goal. Milton S (Centre College religion scholar and Zen practitioner) was there to walk 10 miles with me. Jim L (wood artisan and retired insurance man) drove out to wish me well, and Bill S (tireless volunteer and retired corporate engineer) appeared on his bike to roll along with a birthday poem! It made all the difference in my will to keep going, because my stomach was becoming upset. I mentally clung to Cliff’s quotation after the 40-mile point, where I made a "180" and knew I had only the home stretch to downtown Danville and the finish line. As one can perhaps tell, I’d been able to link most of my favorite running venues into a day-long trek. The light at the end of the tunnel was visible, but my “handlers” were now becoming vital to my effort.

Fortunately, I had few complications. Thanks to some cautionary advice from my friend Eddy M (a urologist and another “50-on-50th” veteran), I had my liquid situation well planned. I didn’t get dehydrated, but I could’ve managed my fuel consumption better. Between 40 and 48 miles my legs held up well, but my vitality was depleted, so I slowed to 3 miles per hour, feeling chilled. I needed energy, but couldn’t hold down anything sweet. I tried to drink Gatorade and it came back up. I needed something gentle to my stomach. After Milton left, Jeff and Joni returned to assist. My problem-solving skills were squandered by then, so I needed their lucid thoughts to keep me moving forward safely toward home. They called Dana and she drove out with some whey protein powder mixed in rice milk— easy to digest —and it boosted me enough that I was able to run the last mile. By then I’d received my second birthday poem of the day (sung magnificently to the tune "Dixie" by the one-and-only Lee S) and Bill G (photo pro and financial advisor) had “taken the baton” to escort me in. Earlier he’d shot some pictures with a telephoto lens, which I haven’t seen yet. I didn’t last long on my feet after I reached home shortly after 9 pm. A hot bath, a leg massage, and a collapse into bed followed soon after!

Looking back with critical thinking, I should’ve gotten better prior rest, but, more importantly, I should’ve had a more coherent plan for my ongoing caloric intake and energy maintenance. Perhaps I should’ve trained more with something in keeping with my usual whole-foods diet, maybe honey or rice milk. I think I would’ve kept my momentum better and finished in less time, but all-in-all I did well and had only that one period of depletion. My muscles and joints held up fabulously. I just “ran out of gas.”

I felt fine and recovered remarkably fast over the next couple of days, with an occasional wave of fatigue. Only my feet were sore. I was active on Tuesday and went to watch niece Rita and Godson Nic at a high school track meet the following evening. Afterwards I accepted a hot tub invitation with Dana for a soak and some cold refreshment. The day after that (May 1st), I took most of the cards that had been on display at the Tavern and put together a new exhibit at the Boyle County Library, which will be up until the end of this month, and then we had severe weather come through Central KY. I am so thankful nothing like that happened on Monday the 29th. I could not have asked for a nicer day to do what I did on my birthday.

I’m feeling great, contemplating a new goal— maybe a duathlon or autumn marathon. It’s time to increase my weekly cycling mileage. As of yesterday I’ve lost 15 pounds since January (167 to 152). Clearly, I have transformed my aerobic metabolism. Friday night I decided to test my condition by running the local “Moonlight Mile.” I wondered if I had any speed left at all. It seemed like ages since I allowed myself to run hard. I thought perhaps I could break 8 minutes, but I had a 6:53.2 (with a strong kick). And then on Saturday morning I was able to do an uptempo 8-miler with the 7-am running group (with miles tapering from 8:10 to 9:37). This is very interesting. I feel a powerful need to test my fitness, but I don’t want to fall back into overtraining. Balance, as always, is the key.

And now the others are calling me the newest “Running Saint.” It is somewhat silly, but it feels like an honor, too. As Dick told me, “John, it becomes part of your personal character and integrity and no one can ever take it away from you.” I don’t think I could have imagined this when I first got my heart monitor a year ago. Much good change has happened, and there’s much to be learned and remembered, concerning the discipline of aerobic and dietary preparation, but I think the real story of my birthday experience is the team effort of good friends.

Building physical stamina lays a foundation for inner focus, which leads to mental toughness. From there, each individual athlete must find the hidden way to "guts" or "grit" (or whatever one chooses to call it— my Godfather always called it "the means"). It is a solitary discovery that must be made before the day is ultimately won— in my case, the 50-MILE-DAY —before those of us who reach for the ridiculous can know the "majestic sense of victory." For in that moment when one truly believes that an outrageous goal is possible, one gains something permanent, regardless of the outcome.

Maybe I should’ve stuck with the notion that there’s no rational explanation for having done this— an idea that I borrowed from Dick —but this is my best attempt at describing the prize that can never be taken away. Now that I’ve tried, I’m not sure it can be done without forsaking a certain humility. Forgive me if I have.

There are, without a doubt, many paths to that same Self-satisfaction. May we all trust our Selves to find one. May we all learn that each is merely one pale shade of Life’s eternal victory over sin, disease and death.

For all the kind words of encouragement… for every "thumbs up" or "high five" or simple smile of support… for each comrade on the road, I am grateful.

Here’s to my loving mate. Here’s to everyone who helped make it possible. Here’s to all of you. And to Yu… a heartfelt "Domo arigato gozaimashita."

And, finally, here’s to the big FIVE-OH!

groping for the groove

Friday, April 21st, 2006

Another week ends with little sense of breakthrough and too much sense of struggle. I had the strong feeling today that the experiment clarified the power of correct tactics, but is of limited value without the proper strategy. Perhaps the strategy will come out of applying the organizing principle, but I doubt it. There’s a missing key that’s greater than diligence, a missing key that must fuel the perseverance.

Tonight we were the guests of Jeannette and Ben, two more of our generous friends (the secret treasure in my life), along with Kathy and Bill, and Shirley and Larry. Of the four couples, we are the only one not enjoying an extraordinarily comfortable retirement rooted in a lifetime of dedicated work. These are people with whom I am totally at ease one-on-one, but the harder I tried to relax, the more uncomfortable and out of place I felt. My state of unease was silly and unnecessary, but I didn’t seem to be able to remove it, any more than I was in a position to take off my shirt.

On top of it all, I realize that it really had nothing to do with my environment or my companions. As long as my life is out of balance, I’ll feel stuck in a rut, and so I’ve got to keep striving to sort this out.

Again, Emerson’s words weigh on my mind:

I find the coincidence of the extremes of eastern and western speculation in the daring statement of Schelling, “there is in every man a certain feeling, that he has been what he is from all eternity, and by no means became such in time.” To say it less sublimely, — in the history of the individual is always an account of his condition, and he knows himself to be a party to his present estate.

Damn the statistics; full speed ahead

Saturday, April 15th, 2006

Gruntled Center tells us there’s more to the commonly understood 50-50 failure rate for marriages than a simple coin toss. Most first marriages survive, but the divorce rate for second marriages is closer to 60%. Also interesting is the finding that second marriages which make it through the first two years successfully have the same divorce rate as first marriages.

My question is this— Is ours a first or second marriage?

I’m no social scientist, but I would think that it has to be classified as both, and the success or failure of the union would be applied to both first- and second-marriage statistics.

Nevertheless, on an individual level—just like your state of health—statistics and probabilities are virtually meaningless. Whether Bruce ends his marriage or whether my buddy Mike’s
impending third marriage is a success has to do with who they are and the type of partner they’ve chosen. And, in terms of health, no matter how dire the probabilities associated with any particular prognosis, there’s somebody out there who licked just about every disease or malady ever known to strike the human organism. There are even stories of people surviving falls from airplanes, skyscrapers, and mountains.

Perfect. Now I’ve fully prepared myself to go buy my first Powerball ticket.

As luck would have it

Thursday, April 13th, 2006

I requested the newest book by Paul Watkins from the library, and they bought it for the collection. It looks like I’m about to complete The Ice Soldier in one week. It’s clear that this author has developed a following, which has scant meaning to any particular reader, and that he’s also earned heaps of critical praise, but so have writers I find unreadable. All I care to know is that I’ve found a novelist who consistently delivers the goods for me. That’s enormously satisfying, although I’m sure I’d require his remarkable verbal skills to adequately put my appreciation into words.

There seems to be two main reasons to own a copy of a novel. First of all, it provides the opportunity to reach out and connect at one’s own volition, like telephoning a good friend. And, of course, the other reason is to loan it to those same friends. I want to own this book, but it occurs to me that a measure of my fondness for my friends will be whether I convince myself to buy two copies…

cranking onward

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006

My love of April pulses through the senses… the perceptions of life reborn, and the resurrection flame in every emerald shoot.

My respect for March is a sober weight on my heart… the power of the experiment wanes, like a staggering man who clutches someone’s sleeve to steady himself. The currents of life swirl at my newly found stability, threatening to undermine the uncured foundation.

I feel the low gravitational energy of 2005 pulling at my center.

And so I mount the two-wheeled steed with my cohorts, and defy the hills until my lungs want to explode.

To fly with the redwing blackbirds, as the wind drinks my tears…

ps, I’m getting married

Monday, April 10th, 2006

Almost as an afterthought, my Best Buddy Mike has informed us he’s getting hitched in May.

By gum, I feel a jumpin’ jig comin’ on!

Lying Fallow—a story of survival

Sunday, April 9th, 2006

After the Shared Silence at Mack’s cabin, Bruce was the featured provider of words. I can’t remember ever having heard a more awesome extemporaneous commentary (and I’m even taking into consideration some of Uncle Bob’s and Uncle Clarence’s memorable remarks at family gatherings over the years). I actually started to tremble, and at least one person noticed that it probably wasn’t due to the morning air’s unseasonable chill. Dana prepared blueberry-walnut muffins, pecan coffee cake, and a variety of fresh fruit. Lee and David came for the first time, and it was standing room only. Without a doubt, it was one of those powerfully unique, you-had-to-be-there moments, and Bruce left everyone with the profound message that NOW is the time to make your mark as a creative being.

We’re about to go out the door now, to take Bruce for his first trip to see Kelley Ridge, and what a spectacular day to do it!

Way to go, Big Joe

Friday, April 7th, 2006

I’m happy to learn my Uncle Joe is home from the hospital. I also read that 95-year-old, legendary coach John Wooden made it home from a recent stay in the hospital, too. Hospitals aren’t very good places to be, unless you have no other choice. I hope I always have another choice.

I took note of the Wooden announcement because I’ve been thinking about something he said. Not sure if I remember it correctly, but his point was that you haven’t failed until you start finding something or someone to blame. I think his message is that you remain on a success track as long as you continue to strive by looking within yourself to correct your own mistakes and deficiencies.

I haven’t gotten to know Uncle Joe as well as some of my other uncles, but he’s always been a great example to me as an innovator, by the way in which he set his goals high, and by never being afraid to learn something he didn’t know how to do. When I think about how he lifted the roof of his bungalow with truck jacks to enlarge his house by adding another story, it nearly blows my mind. All my life I’ve admired how he relied on himself and finished what he started.

Mombo and I were talking about that kind of stick-to-it-and-get-it-done capacity the other night, and how I was still trying to learn it. She said, “You must get that from me.” I disagreed and told her I couldn’t blame anyone else for my own history with unfinished projects, but that I was determined to put the habit behind me one way or another.

I told David today that I have no thought of giving up the goal of finding a niche market for the style I’m currently calling “Legacy Artworks.” Coming up with a name that isn’t already taken has been difficult, and it’s possible I haven’t even begun to solve the equation of how to market this type of illustration. Like most things, I’ll just need to chip away at the challenge. Goodness knows it’s not the only iron I have in the fire this year…

Various & Sundry, part thirty-five

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006

— Dana and I had an impromptu dinner with Mombo last night and I took the opportunity to show her my example of “Legacy Art.” I’m starting to wonder if that’s the best terminology for it, but I haven’t come up with anything better. I like the non-specificity, and the wide range of niche markets it could cover. When Seth saw it, he thought the style might appeal to high-end extreme sports devotees. The first example does have an “Indy Jones” visual flavor to it, and that could be appealing to any number of different target audiences—pilots, speed-boaters, racers, sailors, deep-sea anglers, climbers, divers, skiers, eco-trekkers, equestrians—I don’t know, as long as they have some dough and are fascinated enough with the significance of their own exploits to document themselves with an uncommon work of art. I need to define my ideal, well-heeled “mark.” How does “Raiders of the Flossed Mark” sound? Ooh, that was bad. See yesterday’s entry…

— I haven’t mentioned it, but after the events of the weekend, I was stunned when my pal David decided to present me with two unbelievably nice gifts—a pair of early 20th-century British Enfield military firearms, an officer’s revolver and a bolt-action rifle. I still don’t know what to say to him. He must appreciate the portrait that much, so I really shouldn’t joke about it. On my part, it’s a genuine attempt to find an unmet need in the art world, and I’m not going to put the venture aside just because I didn’t set the room on fire with my initial foray into the marketplace. It gave me pleasure to complete my first in the series with my friend as the subject. Now, the next step is to execute the second under the supervision of my great white huntress. That sounds much more provocative than it’ll play out, I’m sure…

— Yes, I really shouldn’t joke about my effort to reposition myself as a commemorative illustrator. Beside the fact that it wouldn’t amount to funny, the objective tends to epitomize everything that’s held me fixated for over a month, which actually turned out to be a rather serious project of self-study and introspective behavior modification. If poking fun at the pursuit would help my evaluation, than I’m all for it, but I’m more inclined to start looking at the lessons learned and assign myself some new action items to preserve my momentum. One of the primary things that came to light was how much doubt and fear I’d allowed to penetrate into my outlook, workstyle, and personal ambitions… mild, perhaps, but insidious nevertheless. That just has to go, and there are still pockets to root out, but at least I’ve developed the sensitivity to identify and counteract such an undesirable emotional undercurrent. It’s been a major source of wasted energy, as was my habit of distracting myself. It’s amazing how many typical trains of thought and everyday diversions seem trivial to me now, or at least unfocused. I’ve known for awhile that the pattern was there, but it took a diligent effort to unwind the nature of the chain reactions and recognize the old ruts for what they are. Once again, I come back happily to Emerson:

“Profligacy consists not in spending years of time or chests of money,—but in spending them off the line of your career. The crime which bankrupts men and states, is, job-work — declining from your main design, to serve a turn here or there. Nothing is beneath you, if it is in the direction of your life: nothing is great or desirable, if it is off from that…”

V & S

Tales of the Graybeard Prospector IX

Sunday, April 2nd, 2006

•   I attended the SCI fundraising banquet with David and Al. It was held at the U of L University Club. There could not have been a way for me to have anticipated the rare atmosphere, nor to have imagined what the unusual niche group of world-traveling hunters and big game enthusiasts would be like. I must say that I was a bit nervous by the time I set up my small display for the silent auction and my prototype commemorative illustration came under continuous scrutiny. I could also feel the observant eyes of my two friends—watchful, but always supportive. I’ve been to a few high-potency political and charitable fundraisers, but I’ve never been to one that so relentlessly milked dollars from the ticket-holders—with separate silent and live auctions, plus raffles of every sort. After a long cocktail lead-in to an impressive gourmet dinner, the expert monetary squeeze of the high-rollers lasted well into the late evening. Participants stuck around as numerous donations of custom firearms, art, jewelry, exotic hunting excursions to New Zealand, and full-blown safaris in Africa went for a fraction of their value. There were times when it seemed as though my offering was about to completely fade into the periphery, but before the evening was over, it drew a flurry of bids. The winner was an avid African hunter, female, gregarious, and rather attractive (at least she seemed to be attracting the attention of more than one distinguished-looking gentleman). My donation went for about a fifth of its declared value, which wasn’t out of character for the event. The final result reinforced Al’s opinion that my concept might have more appeal to women or to the wives of hunters—that it might be positioned best as personalized art appropriate for a gift or tribute. The entire experience gave me much to ponder…

graybeard prospector

Various & Sundry, part thirty-four

Saturday, April 1st, 2006

— Month of March workout totals: Swim-5; Bike-5; Run-5; Lift-9; Yoga-9

— Word arrives from Greystone that Nicholas received his letter of acceptance from Auburn University’s College of Veterinary Medicine—news that makes his uncle and Godfather very proud. This is clearly an extraordinary year for graduates in our Clan. In addition, Caitlan is finishing up at Georgetown, and then she’ll be heading back to Oxford University to begin working on a second degree. Congratulations to both of them!

— Although it rained most of the afternoon yesterday, David, Rick, and I were able to have an enjoyable shooting practice under the range shelter since there was no wind. We alternated with four different antique rifles—the London-made Martini-Henry sporter (to which I’ve completely bonded), a Martini full-military “Long Lever,” a Winchester Model 94 in .30-30, and a Winchester Model 95 in .30-06. For the first time ever, I was able to hit targets at 300 yards with iron sites, despite the difficulty of contrasting recoil, trigger pull, and site configuration for each firearm. By Jove, I think these friends have made me into a long-range marksman! It was an ideal prelude to a meeting of the Wood Duck Society. When I showed it to him before dinner, Rick had a positive response to my artwork commemorating David’s South African safari. So far so good. Tonight we’ll see what the people in Louisville think of my “Legacy Art” concept.

Still capturing sight bites — An energetic pair of fowl, landing on a surface that mirrors dawn’s first hues—c-l-i-c-k—joined moments later by a second couple… The wood ducks have returned to Simpson Knob for another season, on the weekend that pays tribute to their modest splendor.

V & S