Now I shall be forever known as—
Farcus Farklehumperdinck
Unless I start with “Uncle John,” which seems entirely appropriate for this site, and instead become—
Goober Pottyshorts
. . . I’d better go back to the first one quick, before that gets around.
Anyone can visit the Scholastic Website and use the evil “Name Change-o-Chart 2000,” or just follow the chain-email instructions currently circulating.
This whole bit of nonsense sidetracked me when Snickle Pottybrains sent her silly email, reproduced below.
I’d best get back to work before Sloopy Farklehumperdinck catches me.
— — —
We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute. Please don’t be a bore and ruin it.
Send it on and include the person that sent it to you. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day.
Here is your dose of humor…
A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward
it to friends and family and co-workers.
Don’t forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don’t go all adult — a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.
The following is excerpted from a children’s book
Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants
by Dave Pilkey,
in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new name.
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barfy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.
Now when you SEND THIS ON… use your new name as the subject.
Put more laughter in your day.
Remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.