is a blog by Brendan
Yesterday, for my job, I implemented some web-marketing stuff that included me actually typing out the following text, which... well, I don't want to reproduce it for fear of google, but I've rot13ed it below; click the button to read it.
Where was I entering this marketing text, you ask?
A MySpace page.
It's not like I was pretending I hadn't sold my soul long ago. I just hadn't realized it was going so cheap.
Sumana has managed to combine almost all the reasons I read her blog–inspiration, clarity, critical appraisal of systems and examination of self–into one spectacular post. You should read it.
There’s a quote from Count Zero about being taken up from a low place, rotated through “invisible stresses,” and emerging changed. It’s actually kind of negative in context so I’m not going to reproduce it here. But at some point I have to write about how my interaction with propelled and propulsive people has changed me: how my internship at Dixon Design, followed by meeting Leonard and Sumana, followed by living with Kevan and Holly, reshaped me into someone who no longer fits anywhere outside the self-determined life.
I would have to actually achieve that life first, so I’m not writing it yet. But Sumana’s post brings up another connected point: work that matters for its own sake is superior to work that matters by fiat, which is to say that academic work is worthless in the short or long term, which is to say that I think the lecture-test educational system used in the United States (and, in my understanding, most of the rest of the world) is a sham, a wreck and a hindrance. I graduated with awards and honors from a large public high school and an elite private college, and I still say the system failed me. The intersection of what I learned in classes and my work, play and continuing interests is almost nonexistent; meanwhile, I’m still dealing with the fear and shame endemic to those institutions, and the ways they damaged me.
Under all that I continue to grow more absorbed with the idea of having children someday. I’m starting to consider my life choices in terms of where they’ll grow up, how I’ll support them and how they will learn. (How I’ll actually go about having them is almost secondary.) Could I in good conscience send them down the path less traveled, without having checked it for perils myself? Could I ever prepare them enough for the perils of the path I did take? Sumana again: isn’t it possible to sidestep the bad parts, with enough planning? Well, no, Brendan. Don’t deny the imaginary kids their own invisible stresses.
But if I start seriously working on my own propulsion, maybe my example can reshape someone else.
THINGS NEVER TO DO.
Blaaah. I’m tired of computers. My hair is 10% whiter after today.
I spent three years working at Trover and bringing my lunch in a plastic bag. These lunches invariably contained sandwiches on whole-wheat bread, and though I went through phases regarding the filling (tuna, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and pickle), I generally came back to slices of turkey, on romaine lettuce or “spring mix,” with mayonnaise.
Now, I started working from home every day nine months ago, leaving me a bit at a loss. The constraints on my lunch (must tolerate refrigeration, must fit into reusable containers, must be edible on a half-hour break) were suddenly removed, but I continued to act as if they were still in place. I put things on a plate and I sliced up the apple.
Then I moved to London and found analogs to the American lunch ingredients, and still kept eating the same lunch. Admittedly, some of this was a comfort-familiarity ritual, but I’m past that now and it’s about time lunch and I started mixing it up.
To wit: this week I bought some French bread, and salami, and a tomato. I have blown my own mind. I am tossed amidst the shattering waves like driftwood in the brainstorms this has unleashed! On the ocean, I guess! In the metaphor!
So salami and turkey taste good together, especially on crusty bread. Would you like me to share with you some of the other revolutionary sandwich innovations/relevations? Innelvations? Revolevinnotrons.
Of course these sandwiches are not as healthy as the more fibrous, less-sausaged original version. There is a price to pay for joy, my friends, and that price is paid in belt loops. I’m never going back. Those who say you can enjoy food and lose weight are chasing a fool’s dream, and anyone who acts like they aren’t is profiting by it.
Yesterday Maria and I looked at the best apartment in the world, and today she applied for the lease; assuming she gets it, we’ll be moving in mid-February, and I will probably just be leaving my stuff in boxes in anticipation of leaving Kentucky. My very, very tentative plans for the move are to buy my brother’s truck for the transportation involved and drive to wherever I’m going sometime between February and April.
For those of you paying attention: yes, this means I’m going to get my driver’s license.
There really isn’t a better time in my life to do this. Everything I need to do my job fits in a backpack, and I can work from any coffee shop in the country. All that’s missing is a destination.
Excluding New York City and the South in general, where should I move? I want to live in a metropolitan area with a healthy tech sector. Also, truck or no truck, I want somewhere with good public transportation. Chicago (sorry, Flora) and St. Louis don’t really interest me; all the places I’ve traditionally talked about are coastal, but it’s not like I surf. Said places:
The pachyderm in the pantry is that except for the unlikely choices (North Carolina, London, possibly Hawaii), I have no friends in any of these places, and I am spectacularly bad at meeting new people. All of my current friends were obtained through academic programs with enforced social contact or Internet. So, friends on Internet: where should I move?
Update 1038 hrs: Maria got the apartment! Who wants to give me driving lessons?
Thanks to everybody who has commented or emailed with advice and information. You guys are the best Internet ever!
Guess who’s a big old jackass! The guy who washes his pants with his paycheck in the pocket. Why, that’s me!
That said, my current system of payment involves my issuing an electronic invoice, their cutting a check a week later, sending that check on a week-long 740-mile journey in a check-shaped envelope with a transparent window, and having me physically carry said check five blocks to the same bank every damn week. You’d think a company that is made of Internet could streamline this process somehow! I’m not denying my own culpability here, but that doesn’t mean I can’t call shenanigans on the system. The McDonald’s next door offers direct deposit, and my last employer required it, and my current employer should at least make it an option.
Update 1337 hrs: Spookily, right after I posted this, my boss called me to say that a) I’m now in the corporate bonus pool, despite being a consultant, and b) I just got a significant raise. All complaints withdrawn! Forever! Probably not forever.
My purchase of a laptop justified itself today when the RAM in my tower exploded and lost me about six hours’ worth of work. Bad RAM! Literally, bad RAM! It would have cost me another day and a half if I didn’t have the little white rectangle on which I’m typing this. Cost-benefit ratio so far is about 9:2. At least it’s tax-deductible.
I didn’t move to New York and I don’t plan on doing so; I’d have more money and some good friends there, but I don’t like the city very much and I’d be unhappy living there. I am still planning on moving, when I have the funds to do so on my own. I continue to work remotely for Indelible, and it’s not like I have to be in Louisville to do that.
Places I’d like to move include the SF Bay area, Portland, Seattle, Boston, Providence, San Diego and the Raleigh-Durham tri-city whatever. These reorder themselves in desirability on an hourly basis.
Meanwhile, here I am in New York on September 11th, having flown up yesterday evening with a cadre of FDNY firefighters and a pilot who looked about ten. (Years old.) I nearly lost my luggage; my cabbie got lost. I’m on an expense account but I won’t get those reimbursements for two weeks, and this morning I walked eight blocks the wrong way. No idea when I’ll be allowed to leave work tonight.
It’s going okay!
If you make nachos with blue corn chips, salsa verde and mozzarella cheese, they will look gross but taste okay.
Not great, though.