Category: Typos

March 28, 2006 /

One of the hilariously demented* developers who works on this floor has recently posted a sign in his cube, which reads “Abandon all hope ye who enter here.” I, being much cleverer and more handsome,** immediately thought “ah ha! This human has printed a corrupted version with the incorrect word order! The correct phrasing is ‘abandon hope all ye who enter here.'”

I was so certain of this because my version fits nicely into an iambic pentameter, while his doesn’t (you can make it fit, but that involves stretching a short vowel to a long syllable and vice versa). But it turns out neither of us was right: the Divine Comedy translation which spawned the phrase, by H.F. Cary, actually goes “All hope abandon ye who enter here,” which is much better and still in perfect iambs. Bah! Iambs are fickle! That’s why I support dactyls. Want to hear more about the Pro-Dactyl Initiative? Contact your local poet laureate today.

* Developer may be neither hilarious nor demented.

** I am very handsome and clever.

March 9, 2006 /

Kid on the Bus 1: Just spell it.

Kid on the Bus 2: I am!

KOB1: You’re going too slow.

KOB2: You spell something, you spell… “visitation.”

KOB1: “Visitation.” V-I-S-T-I… Shut up! V-I-S-I-T-I-O-N. “Visitation.”

She’s got a shining future in spam.

October 13, 2005 /

There’s a woman who works in my building whose name I don’t want to type exactly, for fear of Google, but which is pronounced “Ah NET tuh.” Short E. Her last name is Doss.

A few minutes ago, I heard over the building intercom: “Anita Doss, please dial zero… Anita Doss, please dial zero.”

A couple minutes later, this time in an impatient tone: “Anita Doss, please dial zero… REPEAT, Anita Doss, please dial zero.”

Five minutes pass. Then, sounding harrassed: “Anita DESS, please dial zero…”

September 30, 2004 /

Kentucky is entering about Year 18 of an ever-cascading educational disaster. The current horrible mistake is the proposed health plan for teachers, which (under a typical family plan) would have employees pay the highest state-insurance premium in the country, with the state making the next-to-lowest contribution. The idea was that a 3% raise would help cover the cost, but that means $1050 before taxes for the average teacher. The premiums alone for that family health plan would exhaust that in two months.

I’ve been half-following the story as it develops, because I went to a Kentucky public high school and I’m interested by the state’s boundless inventiveness as it races to achieve the worst school quality in the country (right behind you, Alabama!). There will very likely be a statewide (and illegal) educator strike on October 27th. Tonight I saw some TV news coverage of a teachers’ union protest at Waterfront Park; after a couple of crowd shots, they pulled in close on one woman, who held a posterboard sign stating that

KENTUCKY IS
BECOMING
EMBARRASING!

Some truths are self-evident.

Reasons not to trust astrology

March 11, 2004 /

“In Greek mythology, the God of War was called Aries.”

Um, no? Ares was the god of war. Aries was a legendary ram. Nice try, though, and I’m definitely going to trust anything else you say in that article.

March 3, 2004 /

To:  xorph@xorph.com

From:  support@xorph.com

Subject:  Notify about your e-mail account utilization.

Dear  user of Xorph.com,

Your e-mail account has been temporary disabled because of unauthorized  access.

Advanced details  can be  found  in attached file.

Best  wishes,

   The Xorph.com team                    http://www.xorph.com

And then of course the attachment is a pif file. Wow. One of the better social engineerings I’ve gotten in a while–it certainly beats the hell out of MyDoom. As always, of course, it’s not entirely bad English-free, and then there’s the fact that I am the Xorph.com team.

I still maintain that if anybody ever manages to use all the right words, spelled correctly, in an email virus, that virus will rule the world. Fortunately that won’t happen, thanks to the deep and powerful stupidity of all virus writers. It’s almost like a paradox.

February 24, 2004 /

Seen on a wall yesterday:

“Alpha Kappa Psi and Kaplan bring you the opportunity to take a practice exam for the GMAT, GRE, LSAT, and MCAT.”

It’s the test that ate Manhattan!

November 30, 2003 /

Fever peaked at 102.3 Fahrenheit today. Proteins become denatured–ie brain damage can occur–at 103 (and I very nearly just spelled that “brane damage”).

Bleagh. Don’t really see myself doing the work thing tomorrow. Instead I’ll try to get an appointment with the reputedly horrible University Health Services and obtain antibiotics, as there’s a good chance it’s strep, so I’ll at least be noncontagious at some point on Tuesday. If I’ve touched you recently and you happen to suffer brain damage (“brean damange,” that time, what the fuck) in a few days, I apologize a lot.

“If that sketch was contagious, now I’d be contaged!”

–Ken Troklus

August 5, 2003 /

Okay, one more nitpick. From Jon:

“… a Danville Cracker Barrel restaurant has been unwittingly selling postcards of Louisville’s skyline, emblazoned with ‘Lexington.'”

Danville: Home to Centre College. Host of a 2004 Presidential Debate. Thanks, Danville. Danville.

October 18, 2002 / Brendan

The heat appears to operate entirely independent of my control, turning itself on sometime around 10 am and turning itself off around 10 pm. The knobs on some of the radiators don’t turn at all,and the ones that do turn have no effect. I wasn’t under the impression that this was how radiators worked! Evening is interesting, at least, as I have to open windows around 6 and turn the space heater on again by 11.

Things that have distracted me lately:

“…our machines have to keep grinding over it, the grit in their backwash sandblasting the blood away.”
“Ah, it’s just someone sitting there, because you don’t see dead bodies, you just don’t.”
The same girl who recommended Anthropology told me to look for this band Relient K. She didn’t mention that they were a Christian band at the time, which is probably a good thing; I enjoy being Catholic, but I don’t listen to Christian music (anymore) because, as a rule, it sucks heartily on anything you have available. It wasn’t until I borrowed their CD from Ginger, my Joe Egg spouse, that I realized they a) rocked and b) had songs about Jesus and stuff. Then I got to this track called “Down In Flames,” which is a straight up slam of Christians in general by a self-aware Christian band. It’s even got a disclaimer at the end. I can’t get enough.
Also, they have a song about Lion-O.
As the only one of my friends still here for the break, I’m taking care not only of Idaho but of Meghan’s turtle and Ken’s red-bellied frogs (plus their cricket-based food source). The resulting situation can be seen camwards.

Del McCoury wins Bluegrass Award! McCoury Band Wins Entertainment Bluegrass! Bluegrass McCoury Wins Entertainment!

And that’s the news from Kentucky.

if I had a penny for my thoughts
I’d be a millionaire