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Brendan: |
I need a journal entry for tonight so I don’t have a blank spot in my calendar. Give me an idea. |
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Maria |
Um… I don’t know? This is why I don’t have a journal. |
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Brendan: |
But you should! |
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M: |
If I had a journal it would be made up of random snippets of conversation. Out of context. |
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B: |
You’d have a quote log! |
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M: |
I think quote logs are supposed to be funny. |
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B: |
I just got an email from Mindy. I was hoping it was from my friend Mindy, but no. |
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M: |
No? |
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B: |
No, this is more “Girls In Heat Playing With Horse Studs.” |
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M: |
Maybe Mindy is trying to give you a message. |
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B: |
I’m so putting that in my journal. |
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M: |
No! Don’t! |
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B: |
*click* |
Category: Spam
Weird, Weird Spam Roundup!
- From the Department of Xtra Ultimate Hyperbole +3!!!
Like everybody else, I’ve been getting these for a long time, and I think they’re either starting to lose it or are realizing that the content of the subject has very little to do with whether somebody accidentally clicks through. Or maybe I’m giving them too much credit, and they just believe their own marketing. - From the Land Where Escape Sequences Run Free
The content of this one was mostly an image with a SRC tag that was, again, almost entirely escape sequences; it was followed by a couple .edu URLs, neither of which exist. This reminds me of an old book about spaceships I had when I was a kid, which featured some paintings of “inexplicable salvage” at the end–imaginary empty craft that had been found floating between star systems. This is like one of those: a lonely voyager, adrift, incomprehensible, its purpose forever lost to us. - From the ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha Guerilla Marketing Group
This one’s a little different. The content makes me pretty sure it’s spam, but for some reason–to foil antispam software, I guess–it includes a chunk of well-known (to me) fiction at the end. For the record, it worked; this is the only piece of junk that’s gotten through unscathed to my xorph@xorph account since I installed
From: Feel Younger
Subject: Strengthen your immune systemNow – Powerful Anti-Aging Breakthrough
Claim….Ýours….Nów
As_seen on Oprah, ÇNN, CßS, and_NBC
Free Óne Months’s Supply
Feel Better, Look Yonger, Lose Weight_NówI want to have more energy in the new year
Say good by from us, show me.
“Pages one and two [of Zaphod’s presidential speech] had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it.”
Candidate dozed off during interview.
Scanned from the back of a box containing a supercheesy sweatband my primary roommate bought. I want to name an acoustic techno album “Super Super Thick.” Also, itcould be applied to lots of people I know in an entirely different sense, and in fact to the people who designed thisbox, because guess what, kids? “Ultimate” actually means “last.”
Possibly the most exciting spam offer I’ve ever gotten. And succinct!
I think that about says it all. Watch this space!
Two guys are driving past a field populated by a large number of cows. One of the guys turns to the other and says”What a big herd of cows! How many do you think there are?”
“Eighty-four,” says the second guy.
“Wow!” says the first guy, stunned. “How’d you figure that out so fast?”
“Easy,” says the second guy, “I counted their legs and divided by four.”
This is my Discrete professor’s idea of a joke.
Somebody’s been searching a lot for “xorph.com” on Yahoo, repeatedly and regularly–like twenty times in less than amonth. A fine thing, in my opinion, but how long is it going to take him or her to figure out the address bar? Also,somebody found this site by searching for “elephant dildo” the other day. Believe it or not, that exact phrase has cropped up in here before. All the same, I’m hoping it was one of my friends who’s in on that particular joke; if not, I hope it was someone who’s going to get help soon.
Speaking of help:
THAT MISTER HYPNOSIS IS A VERY BAD INFLUENCE YOUNG LADY!!!