Scott: “I assume the witch is going to try and hinder me as me, my madman and my dog try to leave the room?”
Category: Mild Lunacy
I have the space heater on next to my feet but, as is the way with space heaters, most of the heat hot air is rising and warming my face instead of my feet. So I thought, here’s a problem for science fiction to solve: downward heat. Inverse quantum nanogravity! Tachyon cosmic noise emitters! Will it be used for good? Or will it be used at all?
Then I was like wait, what I actually want is a blanket.
Remember when I said my family was pirates again? This year I had a camera. Coming soon: proof.
You can tell it’s not canon because it’s in the past tense
Spurred by my threat to kill off Marlo and saved from the LJ feed, Ben bends Anacrusis to his will:
Suddenly Millicent started moving again!
“Awwwww” said Cosette, lovingly. She squeezed her sweet adorable fuzzy wuzzy kitten with marble eyes tightly. Millicent purred.
Rob cheered up!
Holly cheered up too!
South settled down!
The Chosen Ones remained awesome!
The Justin finally defeated The Man!
Everyone danced for the next fifty words!
Wisdom of the Working-From-Home: First in a Series
If you make nachos with blue corn chips, salsa verde and mozzarella cheese, they will look gross but taste okay.
Not great, though.
I know the intertube already saw the superballs ad months ago. But did you watch the extended version?
Sumana, is this the party that bored you?
Hey, look guys! Guys, look! A major label is sponsoring a P2P service! It’s KillAweCellent! Let’s look at all you have to gain by switching from your current P2P network:
- Download one of literally hundreds of songs, in just hours, from another QTrax user!
- That means hours of fun avoiding “rollover to annoy” Flash ads for the Motorola BoxKuttr!
- Then listen to your music a certain number of times!
- And every time you listen, there’s a flashing ad on the screen telling you how to pay more money to listen to it again, or pay a monthly subscription fee!
- And you can’t put it on your iPod!
- Or listen to it in Winamp, iTunes, Windows Media or MusicMatch!
- L-Linux? Gnrt! Mpf! GnaHA HA HA HA! That was pretty funny. You’re funny!
- Our poor, hungry artists get compensated! Where by “compensated” we mean “a fraction of the profit we make off the ad displayed while you’re downloading, which was already less than one cent!”
- Now, if you have ever used any other P2P network, you will be aware that certain software tools will break the DRM on QTrax songs and allow you to listen to them as long as you want. The tool for QTrax files, called “mpq2mp3,” will be available roughly ten days before the service launches!
- Don’t get it or use it!
- Because we’ll still try to sue you!
So what have we got here? A service that offloads bandwidth and hosting costs onto you, that allows you to do what you were already doing, only with broken legs and a leaky gut wound, and you can watch ads or pay to do it. Sounds like a BitTorrent killer, guys! WHOO HOO! Champagne enemas all around!
No one outside of EMI will ever use QTrax.