Category: Discoveries

November 7, 2003 /

My infatuation with Grouphug is fast wearing off, because, as Maria was quick to point out, almost all the confessions are basically the same. Gems like “I’m addicted to pocky” are rare, but there are still some that make me really sad. Google! Find more educational literature on masturbation! Like how to spell it!

Thank you Yale

November 5, 2003 /

Oh my goodness. I thought I made this show up!

November 3, 2003 /

This one’s for Ian, Arbitrator of Manliness:

Guy called "Iceman," captain of ship named "Erik the Red," saves crew by dragging 600-pound shark out of the ocean with BARE HANDS
Friends nonplussed, say this is "typical"

I thought about exaggerating that for humorous effect, but it really doesn’t need it. Also, apparently I’m Fark today.

November 3, 2003 /

I just read my favorite girlsarepretty ever. I think the reason I like it so much is it’s like the best parts of GAP, plus choice morsels of Stephen, Leonard and Cody Powell. I want to write like that.

November 3, 2003 /

I used to think I was immune to the vicious, voyeuristic impulse that makes most people like reality shows so much, but it turns out I was wrong.

October 7, 2003 /

Dr. Imam has just mentioned that apparently, he knows “bishops” in chess as “elephants.”

I will never refer to them as “bishops” again.

October 6, 2003 /

Did you know that a knot is 15% faster than a mile per hour? That means that if you have one of those handy tip-calculator pocket cards, you can instantly convert a speed in knots to the more familiar mph. Just pretend your speed is your bill, calculate the tip and add it to your total.

(Obviously, you can do this in your head too, but that’s not as glamorous.)

Today’s episode has been brought to you by science!

October 1, 2003 /

“Also, in an attempt to re-energize myself, I sort of scotch-taped a quart of milk to my face.”

Sometimes I think the reason the faces in AZWP are so expressive is because they are all Stephen’s real face.

September 22, 2003 /

“Just imagine squeezing a monkey into a deflated balloon, and then inserting that balloon into another, much bigger balloon, and then filling the space between the two carcasses with strawberry jam. Even though you can’t see its shape anymore, there’s a monkey in there, and it still performs most of the normal monkey functions like picking up pencils and making fun of the teacher; it just has to do so through a load of blubber. That is what I sit by in class.”

Rejoice, ye people, for AUDREY HAS A BLOG!

August 22, 2003 /

The Devil’s Dictionary: Heh and double heh. As a blogger-hating blogger, I think that whole thing is great, actually. I want to keep up with it, and wish it had an RSS feed (unlikely). Thanks to Leonard for the tip-off.