1. Your package has finally arrived. Open it. It is a refurbished MacBook!
  2. Boot it up to see if it works. It does! Have Maria show you neat tricks in OS X.
  3. Snip open the mylar packets of RAM and new hard drive that you bought to make this thing more than a toy. Crack the case and immediately fall prey to the shit hell middle screw of death.
  4. Break Maria’s screwdriver trying to get it out. Yes, the screwdriver. Don’t even scratch the screw.
  5. Become very irritable and take it out on the dog. Buy more screwdrivers and, in a fit of bad decision-making, WD-40.
  6. Screw will suddenly decide to pop out about six hours later. Replace hard drive and RAM. Upgrade mood.
  7. Reinstall OS X. Install Boot Camp. Try to set up partition for Windows.
  8. You have erased OS X! GOTO 7
  9. Obtain Microsoft Windows™ XP Professional patented encrypto-mathic secure Protectivation Key™ by advanced method of asking a couple dudes.
  10. Install Windows. Accompany Maria to hospital (she is working; note that in current state of health she should possibly be a resident). Find Wifi. Post.
  11. Profit!