Actually I was just frequently late, and tired

On the back of my wallet there’s a ring imprinted into the leather from the inside, perfectly centered, about an inch and a half in diameter. It is very obviously a condom. Except it’s not, it’s the BBC I got as a souvenir on my trip to San Francisco in 2004. I’m serious.

I wonder if anybody ever notices it, when my wallet’s sitting out, and if they assume it is what it looks like. That’d probably be the biggest gap between assumption and truth I’ve ever presented about myself.

Except maybe when I always showed up late and tired for my freshman-year research assistant job, and my professor decided I was a pothead.